Cross the Finish Line with Allison Minutillo

Steve Campbell: 00:00:02

Welcome to the One Big Thing podcast where inspiration meets transformation.

Steve Campbell: 00:00:06

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Steve Campbell: 00:00:15

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Steve Campbell: 00:00:25

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Steve Campbell: 00:00:36

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Steve Campbell: 00:00:46

Well, welcome back to the One Big Thing podcast.

Steve Campbell: 00:00:48

I am your host, Steve Campbell.

Steve Campbell: 00:00:50

Folks, got another exciting episode for you today.

Steve Campbell: 00:00:52

Thank you to all of you that had followed up from the episode with Peter where we talked about conflicts and dealing through resolution and how it's never been easier to put up walls of isolation and set up these so called boundaries with individuals when we know in reality there are certain conversations that we should be having with the people that we love.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:11

Family, friends, what have you.

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So to all of you that reached out, thank you for that.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:16

As I said, I'm very excited about today's episode.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:18

I think we're going to learn a lot from my guest on this show.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:22

I'm just excited to jump right into it today.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:24

So I want everybody help me to welcome Allison Minotillo to the One Big Thing podcast.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:30

And Allison, I want to give you the space right here at the beginning.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:33

This was a fun connection as I had cast vision for the One Big Thing and I reached out to family, friends, people that I knew, connections.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:40

Who do you know in your name?

Steve Campbell: 00:01:42

Came up from a good friend of mine and she said you have to interview Allison.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:46

So we've been kind of going back and forth via text messages, via emails, and I'm just excited to have you on the show.

Steve Campbell: 00:01:52

So do you want to take a couple minutes here right at the beginning to kind of let us know who you are and what you do?

Allison Minotillo: 00:01:58

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:01:58

Thank you so much for having me on your podcast.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:00

It is such a special platform to share your stories and the stories of others.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:05

So just very grateful to be here.

Steve Campbell: 00:02:06

Absolutely.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:08

So I too am, was a fellow podcast host, so we kind of connected over that and love being on that to tell my particular story and all the things that I've learned along my journey.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:19

But I grew up in the world of marketing and being on stage was always a big part of my background.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:26

So music, theater and competitions and singing and dancing and all the things I Just loved the energy that came from the diversity of people embodying someone else on that stage and just having so much courage to do those things in front of big audiences.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:41

So that turned into a career in marketing where you're constantly presenting and you're putting yourself out there and you're coming up with big ideas and you're being creative and tapping all of that energy across different disciplines.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:52

Disciplines has been a huge, huge part of my story which has led me along the path towards leadership.

Allison Minotillo: 00:02:59

And over the past five years I've really learned that that is my sweet spot on this planet is understanding what it takes to lead the discipline of leading the reflection that goes into leading the personal growth that goes into leading the willingness to change and evolve and listen and be a student of it and be a student of yourself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:03:22

So that journey led me towards having also a podcast that was an outlet of mine to process all the things I was learning and hearing from others and just get into it with people and understand and break down meaningful topics and then also practice those, those things.

Allison Minotillo: 00:03:39

In my day to day career, where I am now, I'm at a company called Primacy.

Allison Minotillo: 00:03:45

We are a digital experience agency and I lead a team around marketing services.

Allison Minotillo: 00:03:49

So mainly the omnichannel strategies to execute a client's vision.

Allison Minotillo: 00:03:53

So paid, earned, owned, shared media, how all of those things work within a digital strategy or an overarching business strategy to get them to where they want to go.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:05

Yeah, I love that we're going to, we're going to have a lot of fun on this conversation today too as well, because marketing and telling stories is a big part of as a podcaster, as a creator.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:14

Right.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:15

This is an interview style show, but you're still telling a story, whether it's spoken word, whether it's video, whether it's something you see on social media or print ad in the paper.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:24

There is always a means to an end when you're creating content.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:27

And what I loved is that I'll be honest, people suggest people I should interview all the time.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:34

To me, you still got to go do your research and due diligence.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:37

And when I actually discovered who you were, my immediate response was she's a boss.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:43

And I was just curious to learn more myself.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:46

So one of the initial questions I have, and then we'll kind of get into more of your stories we go through.

Steve Campbell: 00:04:51

But leadership, was this always something that you knew you were passionate about or was leadership something that was more of a self discovery as you were, you know, kind of put into various Roles and kind of just.

Steve Campbell: 00:05:03

Do you want to talk about how that developed?

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:06

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:07

It wasn't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:08

It wasn't something I always knew.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:10

I knew that I had a unique mix of skill sets.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:14

I had a unique mix of being unafraid of hard conversations.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:21

I've never, ever, ever shied away from something difficult.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:25

In fact, I lean into those things and I crave it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:28

I crave complexity.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:29

So all of those traits that actually now I understand make up a great leader were always there.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:35

But I never used the term leadership to define that path that I was on.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:40

It took having the right opportunities to present a to me and for me to step up into those things, which was a later lesson that I realized no one gave this to me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:51

I earned this right path.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:53

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:54

But at that time, it was like you see the opportunity in front of you to step up into a void.

Allison Minotillo: 00:05:59

And that void was leadership in a particular area.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:02

And each time I would step up into it, it would present the next opportunity of a void in a leadership area.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:09

And that kind of compounded on itself until ultimately I became the president of my last agency in the ultimate leadership position.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:17

That was an absolute dream of mine along that journey.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:22

And when I got there, the view was a lot different than I expected it to be.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:29

And so the past, the one big thing, as you had me reflect on this, was a really difficult lesson to learn about balancing your priorities.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:40

Who do you want to be when you wake up and show up?

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:45

How do you want to lead?

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:47

How you lead from within and help the people around you, shape that, but not define it for you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:53

There was just a whole slew of unpacking that one big thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:06:58

But it all centered around getting ultimately to the top and realizing, hang on a second, like, what.

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:06

What do you really want?

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:08

And is this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:10

Is this it?

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:11

Right?

Steve Campbell: 00:07:12

Yep.

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:12

So there is a lot of.

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:14

There was a lot of self reflection going into being on this podcast.

Allison Minotillo: 00:07:18

So excited to dig into that.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:19

Well, we'll unpack it.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:20

All right.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:21

We're all like one big onion, right?

Steve Campbell: 00:07:23

And my kids watch Shrek and all these things, and so you hear about onions and there's layers to them.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:29

And I think, and I think whether you are, as I say in my intro, a professional athlete, a fellow podcaster, a business leader, a stay at home mom.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:40

I think that we and you and I didn't discuss this at the beginning of the show, but my.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:44

What I have learned in my life is that there are certain things, there's an expectation for how things are going to go, and then there's the real reality of the experience of once it actually happens in this.

Steve Campbell: 00:07:55

You may not necessarily identify with Allison as a leader or a podcaster, but you're a human being.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:00

If you've ever been married, you have an expectation of what your wedding day is going to be like.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:07

And then your wedding day comes.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:08

And I know for me, my wife guest episode number one, Stephanie.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:12

She's a killer.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:13

She's phenomenal.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:14

We talked about our life and marriage, but our wedding day was a blur.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:18

And I remember that all of the details leading up to that wedding and all the things you planned for you actually get there and you forget about it.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:25

And we didn't even get to eat on our wedding day.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:28

And so there was this real, you know, expectation, but the experience was very different.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:33

And sometimes, if you're not careful, the experience could be so different from the expectation that maybe you can think you did it wrong, you could have done something better.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:42

If you've ever had children, you know, the first time that you're thrust into a delivery room, you think you're going to, at least for me personally, be this hero husband, dad swoop in and you have this experience of having your first child, and it's different than maybe what the expectation was when you come home.

Steve Campbell: 00:08:59

So I got to imagine that we all are kind of living in this space where what we hope to expect of being the leader, climbing the corporate ladder, owning our own business, leading from the front, versus the experience that actually happens in that process is sometimes where maybe a lot of us get confused as to, did I miss something?

Steve Campbell: 00:09:19

Did I do something wrong?

Steve Campbell: 00:09:20

Whether it's the pinnacle success of motherhood, fatherhood, being married, what have you.

Steve Campbell: 00:09:24

So I don't know if that was kind of your experience in leadership, in the rise to the top.

Allison Minotillo: 00:09:30

You're almost blinded by the idealistic view of what it is you're working towards.

Allison Minotillo: 00:09:37

And it's just a really fascinating thing to live through because you're talking to me on the backside of, like, some major decisions.

Steve Campbell: 00:09:47

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:09:48

If you had talked to me on the front side of these major decisions, I wouldn't have seen it so clearly because there was so much good in it and so much that I loved that I could not imagine not doing every day.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:02

Yeah, that was shielding, like, that idealism aspect of it was.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:08

Was hindering me from seeing the things that were not healthy for me in my life.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:14

So it's not like you get to this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:16

At least in my personal journey, you don't get to this day where everything becomes clear.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:20

It all Sucks.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:21

And then you just quit and move on to something else.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:23

That's not what it's like.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:25

It's this really complex set of emotions that takes a huge, huge, strong support system, both at work and outside of work, to talk through all of the moments, and I'll share with you a story that was my husband breaking through to me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:46

And he could see the.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:48

Just the torment on my face of this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:50

This decision.

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:51

Do I walk away from being a president of this agency, or do I stay?

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:56

And if I stay, what does that look like?

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:58

How does that affect our family?

Allison Minotillo: 00:10:59

How does it affect me and my mental health?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:02

How does it affect the organization if I leave?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:05

Same filters apply.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:07

And he just saw it like I was just distant.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:11

I was so consumed by the decision that was looming over me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:17

And something that I think I knew I needed to do was walk away for the better of everybody, even though that meant big public display of stepping away from a job that you had earned, and the questions about, why would you do that?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:29

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the potential havoc that would wreak.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:33

But he looked me dead in the eye and just said one simple thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:38

He said, for what?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:42

For what?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:43

Why are you staying?

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:45

If.

Allison Minotillo: 00:11:46

If it's this hard to make this decision and there's so many things that are taking down your spirit and your health and you're not prioritizing picking up the kids on time and working out and all the things that actually make you a better leader, what is it for?

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:07

It's not for money.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:09

It's not for.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:10

There is no finish line.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:12

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:12

There's.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:13

There is none.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:13

It's about every single day and being really comfortable in your skin every single day.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:20

And that one question.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:21

I will never forget that question, because he was 100% right, that if I couldn't answer the.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:27

For what in a way that was meaningful to myself and my family, then it wasn't the right decision to stay there.

Allison Minotillo: 00:12:35

And the next week, I need the decision to step down.

Steve Campbell: 00:12:40

Yeah.

Steve Campbell: 00:12:41

And if you're.

Steve Campbell: 00:12:41

If you're out there and you're married, you know, Bradley talked about it in our Peloton episode, talking about a stroke.

Steve Campbell: 00:12:47

Our spouse plays such a significant role in all of our lives.

Steve Campbell: 00:12:53

And obviously, you know, there can be marriages that you're going through some tough times, and there's seasons for that, and I totally get that.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:00

But, you know, I married my best friend.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:03

In her words, cut like a knife, both good and bad.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:06

And you can have a colleague, a mentor, a fellow, fellow influencer ask you that question.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:13

And it carries some weight.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:14

But when it's your spouse, it doesn't have to be screamed, it doesn't have to be shouted, it doesn't have to be presented to you.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:22

But it is the simple loving companion that's asking you something that makes you all of a sudden stop dead in your tracks.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:29

And I remember for me personally, prior to the role that I'm in now with my business partners in my old corporate job, six years into my job, I was putting out more fires and dealing with more drama every single day with colleagues, not even with clients.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:46

And the person that I was bringing it home to every night was my wife.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:50

And you know, because like who, who else am I going to share this with?

Steve Campbell: 00:13:53

There's nobody else I'm going to call on the way home.

Allison Minotillo: 00:13:55

The brunt of your real feelings about your day to day.

Steve Campbell: 00:13:59

Yep.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:00

And they shoulder a lot of burden with being the still person.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:05

Like it's like it's famous when you, when you have friends, it's like you don't give them if you're a good friend, you don't tell them who to date, who not to date, even if you think their boyfriend is a jerk.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:16

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:16

You don't tell them they're a jerk.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:17

You're going to push the friend further away from you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:19

Because if they're in love with that thing, if they're in love with that job that you absolutely hate as the spouse, to be a good partner means you stick it out in this thick and thin and you help them and support them.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:32

You don't tell them what decision they need to make.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:34

It ultimately has to be their decision.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:36

Because if, if he had been pushing me to leave earlier than I was ready, I would have thought he wasn't being supportive of my career trajectory.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:44

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:45

But he didn't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:45

He never told me which decision to make.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:48

He just positioned it in a way that allowed me to see things far clearer than anybody else could do for me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:14:57

And he knew that I needed that I needed the push that was on a deeper reason to make the decision than just my day to day sucks because like I said in the beginning, like I'm not opposed to a challenge.

Allison Minotillo: 00:15:10

It wasn't the challenge that was the thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:15:12

It was the conflict between who I wanted to be, who I was surrounding myself with, how I was leading.

Allison Minotillo: 00:15:19

And that just wasn't, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be at the top.

Steve Campbell: 00:15:23

Well, to somebody who's out there that's listening to this show, maybe they're kind of where you are I don't know where they might be in that thought process, but maybe they know there's a major life change coming.

Steve Campbell: 00:15:36

Now, they may not own a business, but maybe they just feel like, man, where they are right now is not good for them.

Steve Campbell: 00:15:43

They know they need to do something, but fear keeps them longer maybe, than they should be.

Steve Campbell: 00:15:48

You know, I am very honest that with this show, I am all about getting extremely practical.

Steve Campbell: 00:15:54

I don't want guests to come on or even myself and tell people, if you're not happy, just take a leap of faith.

Steve Campbell: 00:16:00

That's not helpful to anybody because there's family, there's kids, there's a lot of things.

Steve Campbell: 00:16:04

So I don't even know what you did.

Steve Campbell: 00:16:07

We haven't even talked about it.

Steve Campbell: 00:16:09

But when you're trying to think through these big life decisions, was there anything from a practical standpoint that you did to sort through your feelings, to weigh the benefits, the options?

Steve Campbell: 00:16:21

What did that look like for you personally?

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:24

So in the thick of when I was unhappy, I wasn't, because it wasn't the entire time.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:31

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:32

It started to change, and I could feel that change, and I could feel I needed to prioritize my own mental health and just be able to think clearly of, like, what are my own thoughts versus what are the thoughts of someone else around me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:44

What I turned to was running.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:46

And I am a goals person.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:49

I set a goal in front of me, and I like, that is what I'm going to accomplish.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:54

No matter how much sacrifice, no matter how much effort, that is just who I am.

Allison Minotillo: 00:16:58

So that goal for me was a half marathon.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:01

It was my first half marathon.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:02

The furthest I had ever run before that was like six miles, maybe.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:06

Um, so a half, to me, was a really big deal.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:09

13.1 miles.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:11

I had heard and done a bunch of research that the Hartford Half Marathon is just an amazing, incredible event.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:18

And I had a support system of two of my dearest girlfriends, and they were like, let's do this, Allison.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:25

You got this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:26

Let's do it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:26

We can go on runs in the morning as both of our husbands work on the.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:31

On the weekends during football season.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:33

So we were able to prioritize the time together, get some time alone, go on some long runs, enjoy friendship as we're working towards this goal.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:40

So as I was doing all these practice runs, I started seeing extremely clearly the parallels between training for something as big as a half marathon and what I was experiencing in leadership.

Steve Campbell: 00:17:57

Sure.

Allison Minotillo: 00:17:59

And there were a lot of times where I would go on the next longest run.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:05

So when you're training for something that long, you start adding on miles.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:09

It's a progression.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:10

It's like 12 weeks.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:11

There's a bunch of different training regimens, but the one I did was about 12 weeks long.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:15

And you start out small.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:16

And so, like, you run three miles, then the next time you run three and a half, then you run four, and you keep building on it.

Steve Campbell: 00:18:21

Yep.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:21

And that was very similar to the journey I was on at that time.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:24

I just kept building, kept seizing the next opportunity and adding onto it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:27

It wasn't this overnight, like, okay, you're a director of something and now you're the president of the organization.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:32

It was overnight successes that were built upon.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:36

And at each milestone, you get this adrenaline rush, you get this dopamine hit that is like no other.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:43

It is.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:43

It was my ambition, calling and being fueled.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:49

So every time I got into the next role, it was like, hell, yeah, we did this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:55

I got to the next thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:18:56

It just became these, like, ultimate milestones, right?

Steve Campbell: 00:18:59

Yep.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:01

And then there are runs that are not so fun.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:05

So when I got to, like, when I was around eight miles, some days you wake up and you're like, I can't even get through this first mile.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:13

Like, it's literally impossible for me to think about getting through that mile.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:17

And those were some days that I was feeling at work.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:21

I was just like, how am I going to get through some of these conversations I have to have today?

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:25

Yeah, how am I going to do all the things?

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:28

Be a mom, be a friend, be a sister, be a good wife, be a good business partner, be a good leader to the organization, be a good partner to my clients?

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:36

Like, there was just so much that felt so hard and messy, and yet that day would get done and the run would get done, and the next day we would come back and it's like, you better train.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:49

You can't give up, Right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:51

You can't just give up.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:52

At mile eight, if you want to run a half marathon, you need to get to mile 13.1.

Steve Campbell: 00:19:56

Sure.

Allison Minotillo: 00:19:57

So all of these things to say, like, as I was running and I was thinking about these parallels, it helped me take the abstract and turn it into things I would practice every day, including, lace up those shoes the next day, girlfriend.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:11

Lace up those fall booties.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:13

Whatever it is that you need to do to get back at it, don't be woe is me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:18

That is not the leadership role you are in.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:20

Yeah, don't feel bad for yourself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:22

Figure out how to lead differently.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:24

What am I going to do differently on this next run tomorrow, do I hydrate ahead of time?

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:29

Did I eat enough beforehand?

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:30

Did I get a good night's sleep the night before?

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:32

It was almost the exact same journey.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:35

But the big thing, as I'm thinking about this One Big Thing podcast to get to today, when I got to mile 13.1 on the day of the race, I had beat two of my goals.

Allison Minotillo: 00:20:50

One of those goals was to finish in two and a half hours, and I finished 20 minutes faster than that goal, which I was shocked by.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:00

And the other goal was that I finished the entire race without walking one time.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:05

And I did not think either of those were possible.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:08

But as I'm crossing that finish line, instantly this runner's high kicks in, where you're like, let's sign up for the next half.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:18

And that stopped me in my tracks.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:20

And I wrote myself a note that day and was like, it is not about the destination.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:25

It is not about getting to the title of presidency.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:29

It's about getting to that position and then opening up the next chapter and getting to that position and reflecting how you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:37

How you feel in that moment to say, is this what I thought it would feel like?

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:43

Is this goal post now moving?

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:45

Did I unlock the next chapter of my own journey?

Steve Campbell: 00:21:48

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:49

And in that case, in the marathon, it's like half marathon.

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:51

It's like, do I think I'd be capable of a full marathon?

Allison Minotillo: 00:21:55

It just taught me so quickly, so vividly, in such a realistic context that if we think our goal is to get a particular position, we're wrong.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:08

Yeah.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:09

Yeah.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:10

There's a lot of people out there.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:11

I love that story.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:12

Congratulations to you, by the way, of being able to complete that.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:16

But also the realness of there are definitely moments and times when we don't feel like doing what we're supposed to do.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:24

And this is something that when I live my life out in front of people, you know, I'll use my social media platform to post real things that I even have to think through and struggle with.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:34

And this idea of adulting and this idea of feelings are great, but feelings can be extremely misleading because your brain can tell you that you don't feel like taking care of the kids, you don't feel like going to work today, you don't feel like doing the laundry.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:51

But what I think is great about your story, and it kind of goes back to what Brett talked about in episode three, this concept of crawl, walk, run.

Steve Campbell: 00:22:59

We have kids, so we know what it's like raising babies.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:01

You would never take your brand new baby from holding them in your arms and expecting them to sprint.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:07

And yet we as adults have this herculean mindset all the time that we're going to go from where we are today and just all of a sudden get to where we want to be.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:17

And when it doesn't happen in a week, two weeks, three weeks, a year, we some somehow can feel lesser then.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:23

And we all have this clock internally, especially when you get into your 30s and 40s, that you're supposed to be at this certain place at life and have certain things and certain statures and certain salaries.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:34

And it's like, where did all this come from?

Steve Campbell: 00:23:36

Because where's the joy in the process?

Steve Campbell: 00:23:38

And what I loved about your story was just the reality that there was days you didn't want to go, but you did.

Steve Campbell: 00:23:45

And that culminated to you crossing that finish line and feeling like, what else I can do?

Steve Campbell: 00:23:49

And I think what I've learned in my experience is even in the small details of my life, if I can succeed in one habit and do that one habit, well, it's crazy how then when I'm faced with a situation that has nothing to do with that habit, it could just be flossing every day.

Steve Campbell: 00:24:09

I'm going to floss every single day.

Steve Campbell: 00:24:11

And when I do that and I get into a tough situation at work, I think about that moment and how I was able to overcome that.

Steve Campbell: 00:24:17

But the flip side is when we quit or we give up on every small decision in our life, we begin to quit on everything in our life.

Steve Campbell: 00:24:26

And so even just the go ahead.

Allison Minotillo: 00:24:29

People, it's the reason why many people give up on their goals because they're not thinking about, okay, it's one thing to set the goal, get the job, finish the half marathon, get the promotion, whatever, have a happy family.

Allison Minotillo: 00:24:47

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:24:48

It's another thing to be methodical about.

Allison Minotillo: 00:24:51

What do you need to do you personally need to do to get to that goal?

Allison Minotillo: 00:24:56

Because no one is going to get you to that goal but yourself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:00

Yeah, there are influencers and supporters, absolutely.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:03

That are critical along the way.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:05

But the only person say it's a fitness journey.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:08

The only person that can get out of bed in the morning to work out is you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:12

The only person who can keep leading an organization is you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:18

The only person who can fold the laundry is you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:24

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:25

Like all the things that make up running a household, running a business, they are really tedious, consistent tasks that go into building towards that long term goal.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:39

So you can't give up like you just, you can't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:42

No one else is going to do it for you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:25:45

And I think it's one place where people really get it wrong because it's not that their goal is wrong, it's that they haven't thought through the action items that they are going to take that they are responsible for, not anybody else, in order to achieve that goal.

Steve Campbell: 00:25:59

Well, and I think, I think for you and your story, and even just successes that I've had in my career too, we can sometimes try to give ourselves a pass in a way that we're not supposed to.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:08

And what I mean by that is if you absolutely crush it with clients at work and you did your job, you helped the business grow, you won today.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:19

And then you come home and your mom, your dad, they're not clients, they're your kids.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:25

And you look around and you have a dirty room and there's dishes in the sink.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:30

It's sometimes very easy to fall into the trap.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:33

Well, I did what I was supposed to do today, so I'm not going to do that.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:37

When in reality, that's, that's stewardship.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:40

You have to take care of that too.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:43

And I think if we're not careful.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:44

I jotted down this thought too.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:47

Depending on what you do for a living and who you interact with, I think it's very easy to have clients and customers that love what you do for them.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:57

They'll literally do whatever you ask them to do.

Steve Campbell: 00:26:59

And you come home and you have a spouse who's not your client.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:03

They're not your customer, they're your best friend.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:06

And when that same, I don't want to say level of appreciation, but what worked during the day when you told the story and they responded, oh, Alison, we love your, you're so good at what you do.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:18

Or you sent that email and they, you know, signed up to become a new client with you and then you go home.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:23

And not that you ever try to do the same things you do with, with customers or clients or in your day to day with your spouse or your kids, but your work reaches a habit.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:34

So you think that I'm going to compliment my spouse or say something to my kids in a way that worked during the day.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:41

And all of a sudden you're met with immediate feedback.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:43

You know, you're met with this disruption, you're met with this conflict in all of a sudden it can be very, it can create a lot of insecurity with what you do for a living out in the world, what works with people.

Steve Campbell: 00:27:56

And then the same way you try to talk to your spouse in the same way or your kids.

Steve Campbell: 00:28:00

And it's not met with the same reception, it's not met with the same enthusiasm.

Steve Campbell: 00:28:05

Those can be many crisis moments where if we're not careful, we can sometimes then want to only be doing work related things because of how they make us feel in almost become a shell of ourself around our family because we, we can misdiagnose that they don't appreciate us the same way that our staff does or that our clients do.

Steve Campbell: 00:28:26

And so I don't know if you've ever had experience in that realm personally where just the balance between home life with your spouse and your kids versus just being on top of the world in the world every day in business.

Steve Campbell: 00:28:39

Do you have any kind of experience in that space and how you've just had to work through some of those things?

Allison Minotillo: 00:28:47

Yes, it's probably the hardest part of the whole journey was being a new mom through it all.

Allison Minotillo: 00:28:53

So my oldest now is 6, my youngest is 3.

Allison Minotillo: 00:28:58

So when I was on this path, I was literally becoming a mom for the first time and figuring out what that meant to be a mom of two for the first time and a mom of young boys for the first time after having grown up with only girls.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:13

So all of that I did not give myself grace, I did not give show myself kindness.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:25

I was very hard on myself the entire time because I was so in pursuit of what I wanted to be and who I wanted to become.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:36

And I was killing it in the career lens.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:39

But there was the version of me that was left for them when I got home was abysmal.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:47

I was a shell, like you said.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:49

When you said shell of yourself, I very much understand what you're talking about.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:52

Because you're at work, you are able to handle it all with ease.

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:57

Or at least that's what it looks like, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:29:59

You take everybody's problems as your own.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:01

You can see solutions and complexity.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:05

You can hear things and dissolve and resolve conflict very quickly.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:09

Like all of those things, I just was in my element.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:11

And yet at home, what my kids were asking of me was just my undivided attention.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:20

But when that wasn't what they were getting from me because I was distant or because I was thinking about leadership and the complexity of what was on my plate in my mind at all times, of all days.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:32

What they got was someone who wasn't fully present.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:35

Even though I was physically there, I wasn't fully present.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:38

And that results in behaviors like screaming and yelling and hitting and kicking, like all of the typical signs that they're not getting what they need.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:47

And it was only until my husband said that statement of for what that it all came crashing to a halt.

Allison Minotillo: 00:30:56

Like, yeah, you can be killing it over here, but is that the version of life that we want for ourselves?

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:04

Because what I've found now, after having stepped down and I'm still in a very senior role, is that title doesn't matter whatsoever.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:15

That doing what you want to be doing and things that are fulfilling to you matter.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:21

That you have something of yourself left over to give to your family at the end of the day matters, that you do not feel guilty for missing T ball practice.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:33

It matters.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:34

All those little things matter and also contribute to being an exceptional leader the next day.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:41

So where I would just completely shut all that stuff out and just say, I can't go to.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:46

I can't go pick him up today.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:47

Can you just go pick him up?

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:48

And put that burden on my husband, the picking up.

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:51

I love picking up my kids, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:31:54

So it's like those, actually, those are treats in the day and I was seeing them as like a part of the schedule until now.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:00

I've like completely looked at life differently having lived through this whole thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:05

And I.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:05

You can have it all.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:06

You can be a great leader, you can be a great wife, you can be a great mom.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:10

It.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:11

It's not always equal every day.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:13

No, but.

Allison Minotillo: 00:32:14

But you can work towards a well balanced life that, that works for everybody, including yourself.

Steve Campbell: 00:32:24

I think what's challenging too is sometimes the road that we're on at this stage of our life can seem fairly lonely.

Steve Campbell: 00:32:31

I would have to imagine people that listen to the One Big Thing podcast at their core, are fairly motivated, disciplined, get out there and do something.

Steve Campbell: 00:32:40

You're listening to a podcast because you are trying to acquire some skill set, some knowledge that can help you.

Steve Campbell: 00:32:46

Our generation gets labeled with a whole lot of labels.

Steve Campbell: 00:32:50

And I think what's cool about this conversation is you're not talking about not doing anything as an adult that you should be doing to do the things like working out and taking care of yourself, because work's not for you.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:03

You're not saying that you're fighting for taking care of yourself in the midst of being successful.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:09

And I think maybe that's where a lot of listeners are finding themselves today, which is, you know, you say that titles aren't important.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:16

We were all taught from young kids in middle school and high school, our parents, that when you think about generational type things, our parents came from generations where their parents maybe never said I loved you in life and never were there for them and didn't attend sports events.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:32

And so when our parents all had us in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s, our parents were mostly very involved in our life.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:39

I remember my dad was at every single game.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:41

And then you had middle school guidance counselors and high school guidance counselors telling all of us in our generation, you can be whatever you want to be in.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:49

I don't think they were lying to us.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:51

But now we get to this place, we're in this pursuit of something that we can't even clearly define.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:56

We want to be successful.

Steve Campbell: 00:33:57

And maybe for you, successful is being money.

Steve Campbell: 00:34:00

Maybe it's a title, maybe it's owning a business.

Steve Campbell: 00:34:03

But if we're not careful, we can constantly be shortchanging the season of life that we're in by saying, I will be happy when I get the title.

Steve Campbell: 00:34:13

I will be happy when I have the money.

Steve Campbell: 00:34:16

And to you, as about a parent, I think the hardest thing for me, obviously, go ahead.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:22

That finish line.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:22

It's the evaporating finish line.

Steve Campbell: 00:34:24

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:25

Like, you're not going to be happy when you cross the finish line.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:29

You're just not.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:30

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:31

And I thought that I would be.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:32

And I thought that, like, once I just get to the half, I could tell myself I could do anything.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:36

It's like, that's not what happened.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:38

But you have to be willing to learn about you to get to that next level.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:44

Like, and that's where we've been talking about our spouses on this.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:48

This is like a spouse appreciation podcast.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:50

Maybe that's what the title should be.

Allison Minotillo: 00:34:52

But it's like the conversations that you have with them about what is it that you both are working towards us.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:00

It was like, someday, not right now.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:02

Someday when our kids are older and we don't have daycare payment anymore, we want to buy a little house in Florida.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:07

That's where my husband grew up.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:09

That's where some of our best friends in this world are, some of our family.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:13

And we'd like to earn enough to invest in a property down there.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:19

Right.

Steve Campbell: 00:35:19

Love it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:20

That's not right now.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:22

But on that pursuit of that, it's like, okay, well, what are the steps we need to take between now and that?

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:27

Those steps don't equal giving up every minute of your life for work.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:32

They don't, you know?

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:34

And so when you can have those realistic conversations about where are you today, where are you going, and what are the steps to get there, it'll actually surprise you how little you have to sacrifice to get there of yourself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:49

Self sacrifice.

Allison Minotillo: 00:35:50

If that makes Sense.

Steve Campbell: 00:35:51

Well, and especially if you do it together, you know, if we're not, if we're not careful, we can be trying to one up or compete with our spouse, even though, you know, we're not verbally saying that unconsciously.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:02

If, you know, in my case, my wife was a stay at home mom for many years, so it would seem like maybe my stories were more important because of going out and earning business and building a salary.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:13

And so maybe her stories, stories weren't as important, but fighting to realize that even if she's home with kids during the day, that's her life in this season of life right now.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:22

And so the whole conversation can't be about me and what I'm going through.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:25

We have to be a team.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:27

And it took us literally a decade of being married to think I finally start.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:32

We've always loved each other, but to really start thinking together, into talking together, not at each other, but just getting out in the open things that we were concerned about, being honest with each other, looking at our finances together, looking at how we were raising parents and you know, when an ugly part of you comes out as a mom or dad, not to chastise the other parent in front of the kids and be like, hey, don't do that.

Steve Campbell: 00:36:59

But really be like, hey, what, what happened earlier today?

Steve Campbell: 00:37:03

You know, like that, that wasn't you.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:05

You know, you seem like you got pretty hot.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:06

Like, let's talk about that.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:08

What happened?

Steve Campbell: 00:37:09

And I think that's the hardest part, right?

Steve Campbell: 00:37:10

When you go into a workplace every day and you're appreciated, you solve problems, you add value to the bottom line of a business, you add value to clients, and then you come home.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:21

And in my case, I got two beautiful.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:22

I have four children on or seven years old.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:25

I have two absolutely beautiful identical twin girls.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:28

And I almost verbatim, I'm not even kidding, at nighttime when I put them to bed, my wife and I will walk into the room at the same exact time and my one daughter will say, daddy, I don't want you.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:40

And yeah, I, I know it's a phase, but boy, it's not fun.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:47

And it's very easy in that moment to go, okay, you know, and walk out, but it breaks your heart.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:53

And then you think about the next day.

Steve Campbell: 00:37:54

I'm going to go into a place where it's not that I'm loved at work, but people want me around, right?

Steve Campbell: 00:37:59

And if you're not careful, our kids are such anomalies, our kids.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:04

You can't follow a process and have a program managing tool like you would at work that tells you what you should work on this day and make sure you get this done with your kids, because dinner time isn't always the same.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:17

Going to the store isn't always the same.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:19

And sometimes you're met with these moments where, with your kids, things happen beyond your control that make you act differently than you would.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:28

And I think that's for a lot of us.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:30

Maybe the troubling part is when parts of us come out that we didn't know existed in us that make us feel like, man, where did that come from?

Steve Campbell: 00:38:38

And so even as you've gone through, for you personally, this transition, what do you think?

Steve Campbell: 00:38:44

What do you think has helped you the most?

Steve Campbell: 00:38:47

I know you talked about appreciating pickup time.

Steve Campbell: 00:38:50

Was it that you made the big life decision, you walked away, so that just freed up your emotional capacity, or were there just things that you started to, like, work through in your mind that have now allowed you to maybe appreciate things that maybe you took for granted?

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:08

I think one of the biggest aha moments was that through my effort and through my natural strengths and through my ability to work on myself and reflect and try harder the next day, that no one else got me to where I was but me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:33

And if you go all the way back to the beginning, when I was talking about musical theater, it's a very vulnerable place to be the lead in a play.

Steve Campbell: 00:39:44

Yeah, right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:46

You are up for criticism.

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:49

You are singing on a stage for thousands of people, and you are putting yourself out there.

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:58

You are giving it your best.

Allison Minotillo: 00:39:59

It's a creative outlet, all that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:01

But I was very reliant back then because I was a kid on my amazing coaches and voice teachers and choreographers and all that to say, did I do a good job?

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:13

Did I do a good job?

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:14

Right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:15

And I think the same happened to me throughout my leadership journey, throughout my career, was that I was so reliant on the validation from everybody around me to say, like, damn, you killed it, or, really good job, like, you're doing amazing in this role, or, oh, that wasn't so good, that I wasn't just harnessing the natural courage and confidence that I also had in me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:41

I was just listening to the other side much more.

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:45

And I think the biggest thing that has happened is that I've now taken back my confidence to say no.

Allison Minotillo: 00:40:56

I will try the hardest I possibly can.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:00

I will bring energy wherever I am.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:02

I will attract people that I respect, who respect me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:07

I will do that thing because that's the energy I put out not someone else putting it out for me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:13

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:13

There's, there's that like regaining which before I would have seen as ego.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:17

And now I don't see it as that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:19

I see that as like what I meant to do and be on this planet.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:24

And that is a gift that I am, I will never take for granted.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:29

So I will choose where to put my energy now instead of someone else choosing that for me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:35

And where I put that energy will get the best out of other people too in turn.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:40

So that like taking back control over your life from all angles was just the number one thing that helped me throughout this whole thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:41:50

And not feeling guilty about that, not feeling bad about that, not feeling bad about getting on the treadmill at 4:30 if I needed a break from like really hard stacks of conversations.

Allison Minotillo: 00:42:01

It's like I used to see that as a bad thing because we prioritized meetings were how we saw our value.

Allison Minotillo: 00:42:08

And it's like that's not the truth.

Allison Minotillo: 00:42:09

Like how you show up to meetings are of value.

Steve Campbell: 00:42:14

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 00:42:14

And whatever it is that you need to be the best person to show up in the right way, in a kind, respectful, wonderful way, then that's what you need to do and prioritize as a leader.

Allison Minotillo: 00:42:24

Because like you said, like it is very lonely, the top, the more senior you get in your career and that work has to be done by yourself.

Steve Campbell: 00:42:36

Well, and why is it lonely at the top?

Steve Campbell: 00:42:38

Because when you get together with another couple or a couple couples and everybody's catching up and you think about in your day to day the things you had to handle and the amount of responsibility you have of people, of salaries, of jobs, of opportunity, unless you have like minded friends in your circle that also deal with that too, you also don't want to share too much.

Steve Campbell: 00:43:00

So when everyone's like, you know, Steve, how's work?

Steve Campbell: 00:43:02

If I, you know, talk about XYZ as, you know, whatever it may be, but it doesn't resonate with you.

Steve Campbell: 00:43:08

You know, I think also just not having people in your circle that understand the weight or the pressure of what you deal with versus I'm not saying just a nine to five job or what have you, but for somebody who may not be in that same realm, having mentors, having people, others that you can talk to, that you can learn from, that you can glean from and I think even too just, just mindsets.

Allison Minotillo: 00:43:30

Right.

Steve Campbell: 00:43:30

It's so easy to say like taking things back and I totally love that.

Steve Campbell: 00:43:34

But has there been anything from a practical standpoint, whether it's planning Whether it's journaling, whether it's just a way of doing things, like has there been anything that's like help you begin to put those things in motions or reset quickly if you have to.

Allison Minotillo: 00:43:51

So there was.

Allison Minotillo: 00:43:52

I had this wonderful leadership coach along the way and one of the things that she helped me with, like you were, you were talking about how emotions can kind of steer you wrong.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:04

And when you're in the thick of like a work crisis, emotions are a big part of like managing and balancing that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:11

So one of the tactics that she had taught me was like, after you feel a certain emotion, like it's an extreme emotion, like you're hurt by something or you feel disrespected or like something that's an extreme.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:24

Not all the time, but when it feels like that, write down that emotion and what happened and why as a way to get it out and just release the emotion so that it doesn't cloud how you interact the next interaction.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:36

Because those will just keep building throughout the day.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:40

So that I was like, yeah, right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:43

This is not going to work for me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:44

Right.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:45

And as soon as I started doing it, I instantly felt better.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:48

It got me through some of those really hard days and I.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:51

And then I can look back at some of those responses and say, wow, I didn't see that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:44:58

I was so unhappy.

Allison Minotillo: 00:45:00

Like now looking back on it, I see that version of me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:45:04

So I almost am more appreciative of having written it down.

Allison Minotillo: 00:45:07

But in the moment, it helped me process things, like immediately for myself, but without it damaging any of the relationships that I was building.

Steve Campbell: 00:45:16

Yeah.

Steve Campbell: 00:45:16

And even practically right.

Steve Campbell: 00:45:19

If you're in marketing and you develop a strategy or a plan for rolling out a new campaign and you start to check metrics and how is it performing if it's not doing what the set objective was, you might make tweaks to the campaign or do things differently to try to get a response from it.

Steve Campbell: 00:45:35

When you're in your day to day job, we do that with what we're paid to do, which is the analytics to look at things, see how they're doing.

Steve Campbell: 00:45:43

But we don't always, we don't always apply that same mindset to parenting or to loving our spouse where when we blew an opportunity or it's not, maybe our kids aren't responding the way that we had hoped, even though we've tried to model it, taking the time to really think about, is it something that I'm doing, is it the way that they're learning like we would with our job?

Steve Campbell: 00:46:05

And I Think what's really helped my wife and I is again, you.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:09

You have parts of you that come out when you're a parent that you were like, I never would have thought I would have responded that way or had those thoughts.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:15

And, you know, sometimes you find yourself raising your voice at your kids in a way that you didn't mean to.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:21

And what's really helped me is thinking about where thoughts came from and thinking about the emotions that I was feeling.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:27

And like, why was that there?

Steve Campbell: 00:46:29

Was it really because, you know, one of my kids spilled juice on the table that I kind of went off the hinges?

Steve Campbell: 00:46:36

Or was there something in my day or something between my wife and I that I haven't yet dealt with or addressed?

Steve Campbell: 00:46:41

And this is just a manifestation of just one more thing that was the light in the powder keg.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:47

And so for me personally, journaling has been a massive blessing in my life.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:52

Writing down my own thoughts, thinking about things, but learning to really.

Steve Campbell: 00:46:57

And I can be standing with you in a room, but just in that moment in my mind going backwards and being like, why did I just say that?

Steve Campbell: 00:47:05

Like, where did that come from?

Steve Campbell: 00:47:07

So I love that idea of almost thinking about your thoughts and trying to think through those emotions can be the difference.

Steve Campbell: 00:47:14

Again, why between somebody actually having real life response change and somebody else just saying, well, that's just the way I am in spending the rest of their life kind of in this almost victim mentality of wondering why the promotion never came, why they're never offered more in life.

Steve Campbell: 00:47:30

you are today as a leader in: 2023

Steve Campbell: 00:47:42

I would imagine that you've made some pretty big, you know, evolutions in your career.

Allison Minotillo: 00:47:47

You can't even imagine when.

Allison Minotillo: 00:47:49

When you actually start doing the work on yourself and stop blaming it on every everybody else.

Allison Minotillo: 00:47:55

It's amazing what you can accomplish.

Allison Minotillo: 00:47:57

But just going back to that specific things, I'm like, as you're talking, I'm just reflecting on some of the little nuances that have been just so huge in both of my relationship with my husband.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:11

And just like being able to prioritize mental health and the whole life balance that we've been talking about.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:16

One thing we started to do this past year way more intentionally than we ever did before was when we are starting to get that short fuse and we see it in somebody else, in the other person, the kids are at it with us, they're.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:30

Everybody's barking at each other.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:31

We're snipping about stupid little things that, like, we don't care about.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:35

But you're just egregiously angry for no reason, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:39

We all get that way because parenting is hard af.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:44

Hence your other topic about it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:46

You could probably do an entire podcast about that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:48

But one thing we do for each other, my husband and I, is look at each other and just say, just go work out.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:54

Go for a run for like 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:48:57

Go, go in the basement, Go on the peloton for a little bit.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:01

Like, you deserve it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:01

You've been watching the kids all morning or they're getting at your nerves.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:04

Just go, go do you for a minute and not making them feel bad about that and that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:08

And then the other person accepts, accepts the opportunity.

Steve Campbell: 00:49:15

They don't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:15

Woe is me.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:16

It.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:17

They don't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:17

This just happened to me the other day where I was like irrationally mad about my kids doing something and he was like, let me just go take them off, off your hair.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:25

We'll go out of your hair, we'll go to the store.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:28

Mom gets an hour to herself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:29

Just go do workout.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:30

Do whatever it is that's on your mind.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:32

Because he knew I was stressed about all sorts of stuff, back to school, whatever.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:36

And I did.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:36

Instead of being like, no, I'll come with you, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:39

Like, all woe is me martyrdom, it's like, no, accept the love that your, your support system, your biggest support system is giving you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:48

And when they come home or when, when you're done with that workout, you will be an exceptionally better parent for it, a better spouse for it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:49:56

So those little things have just like, flourished, like our at home environment and like the way we feel about ourselves and each other.

Steve Campbell: 00:50:06

And I think when you listen to a podcast, yes, I do know that there are couples friends of ours that will watch this together as a couple.

Steve Campbell: 00:50:14

But a lot times it's you alone in your journey, listening to a podcast, trying to receive the information, and then your mind begins to race about, like, how can I apply this to not only my life as an individual, but you talked about layers, myself as an individual, myself and my spouse, and now me and my kids, like, how can I apply everything I just learned in this episode from Allison and become the best version of myself?

Steve Campbell: 00:50:35

But if your spouse isn't listening to it, that's a great concept of taking time to kind of unwind.

Steve Campbell: 00:50:42

One way that you may be able to initiate this is because you've heard this episode Give it away first, right?

Steve Campbell: 00:50:48

If you just pull your spouses out tonight and say, hey, when things happen, I'm going to need 30 minutes to get away, they're going to be like, you need what?

Steve Campbell: 00:50:58

Because they have not been listening to this.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:00

But the next time a situation arises, even if you even feel like you need a break, which.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:07

And I don't know if this has been your experience, but it's been my experience as a parent, and it kind of goes into this when you are in the thick of it.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:14

I found that sometimes I can't wait to take a nap or to rest.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:18

And then you finally get to have time to nap or rest, and you can't sleep at all.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:22

And it's just this, like, cycle of sometimes the things we tell ourselves we need, we can't actually enjoy.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:29

So if you're trying to do what Allison talked about, if you find that you're in the thick of it with your spouse, with your kids, whatever offer to them, hey, why don't you take 30 minutes out and see how they feel?

Steve Campbell: 00:51:39

And when they come back and they're like, man, how did you know I need that?

Steve Campbell: 00:51:41

You can tell them about the One Big Thing podcast.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:43

But I think many times I have found in my own personal life, I have to give away the thing that I probably need more than anybody, because when I learn to give away what I need, it always comes back to me tenfold.

Steve Campbell: 00:51:57

So I love that you and your spouse have initiated that kind of thing of creating space for each other, because you totally can feel that way.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:05

My wife and I will talk about all the time.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:07

I take my kids to Sam's Club.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:08

That's my safe haven when my wife needs time, let my kids run around the big warehouse.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:13

But, you know, it's.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:14

It's easy sometimes to have guilt as a spouse because you're both carrying, you know, different responsibilities.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:19

Say, I'll come with you, but I think even you just giving a listener permission to realize, like, if it's offered, don't it as long as it's agreed upon, that this is something you're going to do.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:29

And maybe that's where a good starting point is.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:32

I think sometimes we try to get ambitious and try new things without ever first talking through, like.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:36

Like, hey, maybe this is something we can do.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:39

So the moment arises, you're in the thick of it, and you're like, hey, go take 30 minutes.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:43

But you two have never talked about, like, why you're going to do that.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:47

My.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:47

My wife will be like, no.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:49

Like, I'm just going to come with you because I haven't talked about it.

Steve Campbell: 00:52:51

So maybe even a good starting point, maybe for you it's not 30 minutes on a bike or working out, but, like, hey, when we get into the middle of it, because we want our kids to be.

Steve Campbell: 00:53:00

See the best versions of us and not be terrified of us or feel like mom and dad let me down, is there something that we could do within our resources, our time, and our capacity that would make you feel like if you got 30 minutes to yourself and came back, you'd feel fully present and fully alive and like, what would that look like?

Steve Campbell: 00:53:19

Have.

Steve Campbell: 00:53:19

Have a ground floor intentional conversation about those things so that when that moment comes, neither one of you are caught off guard.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:26

I'm so glad you said that because that is part of what we've done.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:30

We've talked about the need to do this for each other when we're not in the thick of the moment, when we're not in the heat of the emotion.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:37

And there's another piece of this is the delivery of, hey, you need 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:42

And the receipt of, hey, you need 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:46

So the delivery has to be in that calm, supportive tone instead of, go, take 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:55

Is different than, why don't you go, take, take 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:53:59

I got the kids.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:00

It's the same words, but means so many different things to that person.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:05

And when you receive that, hey, take 30 minutes.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:08

I got you.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:09

You're doing a good job.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:10

We just.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:10

You just need a break, that's all.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:13

If you receive that as like, oh, I need 30 minutes, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:16

What?

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:17

Right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:17

And you don't take it.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:19

You don't take it as help.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:21

It will.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:22

What's that going to do the next time you really do need 30 minutes, right?

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:25

Like, you have to be willing to work on your, like, this entire time we've been talking about, like, work on yourself, work on your own reactions and work on how you put that energy out into whatever conversation you're having, especially this one.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:39

And it will.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:39

It's magic.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:40

It works every single time.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:41

At least for us.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:42

It works every single time.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:43

When we say, go for a run, you get a run.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:45

And then I'll.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:46

I'll come when you come back, I'll go back out.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:49

And that, like, planning out, like you're talking about, kind of like talking about it ahead of time before the emotions get.

Allison Minotillo: 00:54:55

Get high has just done wonders for, like, how present we are with our kids and how happy we are when we're there.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:01

Well, it's so important too, because I Know a lot of young couples our age that struggle with things like babysitters or mom and dad helping out, because the more kids you have, the harder it is for your parents to really, like, want to jump in.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:13

Right.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:13

And so if you are somebody who haven't had a date night in a long time, you don't have that help outside of your family.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:20

Totally get it.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:21

But that doesn't mean for years of your life, you can never take time out for yourself.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:25

And maybe this is one small practical thing that you two can do, knowing that maybe help is not coming from somewhere else.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:31

And that's kind of what we've talked about in this episode.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:34

We can feel bad for ourselves for things that we actually have the control over, whether we do it or not.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:41

You can feel bad that you don't have sitters or parents that are involved in helping you with your kids, but if you're married, you have somebody else that can help each other.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:49

And so just making sure that you guys set a value or priority in your marriage that help not.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:54

Not becoming from outside this home.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:56

But go take 30 minutes.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:57

When you come back, I'll go now.

Steve Campbell: 00:55:59

You're beginning to do things in tandem together.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:01

And one thing that I wanted to circle back through that you said, and I had made a note here because it also delves into with our kids too, as well.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:09

When you are in leadership and you are somebody of significance and accompanying people look to you, one of the reasons it's also very lonely is because you have to be very careful about how much personal information you share about your journey with your colleagues or people that are under you.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:24

You know, you can be in leadership, but still trying to figure out what in the world you're doing yourself, but you can never let that come off to your staff.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:33

You have to be confident and you.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:35

And it's not like you can unload in a sensitive way to your staff and be like, I really don't know what I'm doing, or I'm trying to figure this out, because they're not at the same level than you.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:45

And that can go create an isolation.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:47

In the same way I was just thinking about with our kids, if you are married, you have to be very mindful of what you say about your spouse in front of your kids.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:57

Even.

Steve Campbell: 00:56:57

Even in joking, even in sarcasm, our kids are like sponges.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:02

And if you and I were married and you came into a room hot and tempered and, you know, snobby, and I said something to you and you gave me attitude and in front of my Kids, I said, oh, mommy's, mommy's a little off today.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:17

If we're not careful, that is where the seeds of distrust can come in.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:22

Because I know my kids, they will feed off of whatever parent is like taking the lead in sarcasm.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:29

And if I say anything about like, oh, mommy needs a break today, my kids will almost like team up against her and be like, yeah, mommy, go take a break.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:38

Which then makes that, that parent feel absolutely awful.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:41

So I think we need to be very mindful of not, not having conversations behind closed doors with our spouse, but being very careful even with our in laws with other people about how we talk about our spouse both when they're with us and when they're not.

Steve Campbell: 00:57:56

Because it's what we say that can really affect that relationship.

Steve Campbell: 00:58:00

In kids are our greatest listeners every single day.

Steve Campbell: 00:58:03

So just even like, I don't know if you guys have ever had to work through that, but I've had to catch myself sometimes bringing comedy into a room and keeping it light hearted almost at the sake of the other person by if I'm not careful saying something that could be undercutting or undermining, where it's like, man, this really isn't helping the situation.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:22

And so just being this story is in leadership, two different things.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:28

One is having that person's back in the room and being respectful of that person and how you talk to them and not blurring the lines of friendship and professionalism.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:40

That's a really hard lesson to learn as you're young and aspiring in your career.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:44

Yeah, maybe you were someone's peer before and then all of a sudden you're now their boss or now you're above that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:50

That is a really hard life that could be its own topic.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:54

It's a really hard thing to go through that I personally went through.

Allison Minotillo: 00:58:57

And I've seen a lot of young aspiring leaders struggle with that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:02

That's one thing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:04

The other part though, where you were saying like, you know, you can't.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:08

Leaders shouldn't let their teams in on that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:11

They don't know how to do the thing and they don't know what they're doing and stuff like that.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:17

What I have found is when we pretend as leaders like we have all the answers, all that does is shut out the people around us.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:29

But when I have coached leaders or myself to be my authentic self, you can still do that and say, you know what?

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:39

We have a really complex problem on our hands.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:42

Here's the lay of the land.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:43

I need your help figuring this out.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:45

I can't figure this out by myself.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:47

That is a different way of saying, I don't know what the f I'm doing.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:52

Even if you feel like that's the case, what it is saying is this is really hard.

Allison Minotillo: 00:59:57

And I also believe that with this group of people in this room, we can figure this thing out together.

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:02

And I don't have all the answers.

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:04

It brings you down to that vulnerable level that welcomes other people's ideas and input in very well have the solution.

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:13

So I just wanted to clarify that piece of it because I think sometimes it's where we get blinded as leaders and thinking, oh well, I'm this title, therefore I must have the answer.

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:22

And it's actually the opposite.

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:24

Your job becomes getting the best answer out of the team around you.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:30

Yeah, I love that.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:31

And I think we can even apply that too to our own personal lives.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:35

I think it's, I think it's easy sometimes too with our, with our spouse or significant other to act like we know what to do in every situation.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:43

But, but to be honest, we're thrust in our 30s and 40s into situations that no one ever prepared us through.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:49

You know, just disciplining your children.

Steve Campbell: 01:00:52

What does that look like?

Steve Campbell: 01:00:53

You know, how we spend money?

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:55

What does the search like?

Allison Minotillo: 01:00:56

What?

Steve Campbell: 01:00:57

Yeah, well, how we spend money, how we have conversations.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:00

Some of us were raised in healthy, communicative family.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:03

Some of us came from families where you slammed doors and screamed at each other.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:07

And so even learning how to bring your spouse into those same types of conversations where again, you can just be honest and say like, hey, I know I run the finances for our family, or I know that you expect me to be able to do this or whatever, but I gotta tell you, I need your help.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:24

Here's the situation.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:25

Like, I want you to be a part of this.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:27

Learning how to invite people in to a scenario without offloading it on them, but learning how to bring them into a conversation.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:36

There's so many leadership principles that we can learn in our day to day lives.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:39

With our wife, with our husbands, with our kids.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:42

That is the greatest breeding ground for leadership kind of out in the marketplace that any of us could ever learn.

Allison Minotillo: 01:01:48

Couldn't agree more.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:51

Well, what a great conversation today as we have covered the entire world of our lives from training for a half marathon.

Steve Campbell: 01:01:58

We've talked about your journey and leadership, but you've also gave us the practical insights to being a mom, being a spouse.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:05

Things you learned about yourself that were both exciting yet painful.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:08

You gave us some practical takeaways and this is probably the most fun that I have on these episodes.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:14

The segment that we call Start, Stop, Continue, which is what I hear from all of you, is your favorite part too as well.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:20

So if you're not familiar with the One Big Thing podcast, maybe you're here.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:23

Which round of applause for Allison being an amazing guest today to her network, friends, family.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:28

I conclude every episode with what I call Start, Stop, Continue.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:33

Every guest shares something that they want to start doing, something that they want to stop doing, and something that they want to continue doing.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:40

So we're going to hear from Alison, but this is a super practical.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:43

If you're a journaler or you just get a cup of coffee by yourself, do Start, stop, continue.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:48

It's pretty revealing what you actually think about when you think about these things.

Steve Campbell: 01:02:51

So whatever order you want to take them in, just hit us with whatever the phrase is and then what you want to do with it.

Allison Minotillo: 01:02:59

So to start, I need to start waking up before my kids wake up.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:06

When I get woken up by my kids or by a blaring alarm when my kids are like right out the door, I'm very grumpy.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:14

It just is what it is because I don't have the time to be productive and get my stuff together for the day or time to myself or organize a to do list.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:22

So waking up before my kids and actually listening to my alarm clock would be a fantastic thing to start.

Steve Campbell: 01:03:27

Love it.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:29

Stop.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:30

So I have two stops.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:34

So the first stop is very simple.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:37

Stop apologizing when an apology is not needed.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:43

I think is a female leadership thing.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:45

I see it a lot in female leaders at work where we lead with I'm sorry.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:52

When you just ask somebody to move something right, you move the meeting because it doesn't work for you.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:57

Stop saying I'm sorry.

Allison Minotillo: 01:03:59

That's just a part of you prioritizing you and your day.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:02

It's okay.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:03

Save that.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:03

I'm sorry is for when you actually are sorry when you're in the wrong.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:08

My second stop is just feeling so guilty at all times about not being a picture perfect mom and realize that social media is not real and that it's a journey and you're going to have amazing days where you are the best moment and you are going to have horrible days where you feel like the worst mom, but are you giving it your best effort?

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:31

So as long as I can answer yes to that, I need to stop feeling guilty all the time.

Steve Campbell: 01:04:36

Okay.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:37

And my continue is this idea of prioritizing all aspects of my life that make me happy, not just work first all the time.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:47

But especially above all, prioritizing scheduling date nights.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:51

I'm putting that in continue because we are actually very, very good at that.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:55

I have like my entire fall planned out with my wonderful babysitters.

Allison Minotillo: 01:04:59

Yeah.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:00

So I take the lead on that.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:02

That is my thing.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:02

And my husband plans the actual dates.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:04

But it is something that we look forward to.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:06

It makes us feel like us.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:08

It makes us feel like we're dating all the time.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:09

And we love the fact that our kids say, oh, is it daddy, mommy and daddy's date night?

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:14

Because we do it on the consistent day of the week.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:18

So I love that little thing that we have.

Allison Minotillo: 01:05:21

So definitely a continue.

Steve Campbell: 01:05:22

So this is what I love about start, stop and continue is sometimes the last four to five minutes are the most revealing part of this conversation.

Steve Campbell: 01:05:30

And I know we haven't had a ton of lead up leading up to this show, but just the simple fact that you're thinking along the lines that you are reveals that you're a great mom.

Steve Campbell: 01:05:41

Right.

Steve Campbell: 01:05:41

And that that's part of it is we gotta have grace for all of us that it's one thing to continually blow it and never acknowledge it and think you're better than you are.

Steve Campbell: 01:05:54

It's also another thing to blow it into self reflect and be like, man, I don't want that to happen again and again.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:02

What's what I love about this show, about this platform is we're.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:06

We've had guests that are further along in the journey than we are that are sharing backwards.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:11

We've had people that are earlier in the journey that are kind of where they're at.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:15

And then you have people right in the thick of it.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:17

And I think the hardest part is to have a long term view of your life, your legacy and the impact that you want to have not only on the people that report to you at work, but the children that you have with your spouse to really, truly understand that someday your children, my children, will go off and marry other people and they will have kids and they will have kids and they will have kids.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:39

In the things that we all deal with as grown adults now, attitudes, emotions, we're not sure where they came from.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:45

Many of them stem from our upbringing and things that we saw modeled before us.

Steve Campbell: 01:06:50

And so learning that if there are some ugly parts of who you are as a person at this stage of your life, it's better to admit it and try to work on it than to turn to blind eye, say, that's just how I am and be a victim the rest of your Life versus man.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:04

There's some ugly things that come out of me.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:05

I don't know where they came from.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:07

And maybe I need a friend.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:08

I can talk to my spouse, what have you.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:10

But I think even just for you, Allison, understanding of not living with that guilt, you're aware of things you should be aware of.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:18

And I had said on one of my episodes, life is not about perfection, it's about progress.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:22

I got to imagine you're a better mom at this stage that you are now.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:25

And maybe it's because you're carving a time out for you and your husband on date nights.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:29

Maybe it's because you guys are setting these 30 minutes aside each time.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:33

You're not just going to become a better parent spouse overnight.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:36

There are just like in your business, you, you can't just do one thing, one time and expect success.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:42

It takes tweaking, it takes looking back at it.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:45

What did we do wrong?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:45

Did we release the social ad at the wrong time?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:48

Did we, did we title it wrong?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:50

Did we.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:51

Was the execution?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:51

Was the branding?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:52

Was the visual wrong?

Steve Campbell: 01:07:53

We do that in our day to day jobs.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:55

Imagine if we did that in our own lives as people, as spouses, with our kids.

Steve Campbell: 01:07:59

So I, I loved how incredibly open you were in this conversation, especially somebody leading from the front.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:06

As I said, Allison is an absolute boss if you want to.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:09

She's a thought leader, especially in the marketing space.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:12

If you're a LinkedIn user, which I know a lot of our listeners are, obviously we'll have her contact information.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:17

In the show notes, she said that she's willing to connect with anybody that could use help because she is.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:22

She's fierce in our industry.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:24

But I think, I think what you've realized in this episode, if you've made it all the way to this point, if you didn't know Allison from the next person and you just saw her LinkedIn profile and all the accolades and all the career accomplishments, it would be very easy to feel very disconnected from her because you may not realize there's days she blows it as a mom.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:43

There's days she doesn't feel like running, there's days she messes up with her husband.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:47

We're all human beings.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:48

We're all real.

Steve Campbell: 01:08:49

And that's the purpose of this show, is to bring you real people that really want to share with you practical insights that have helped him hopefully become the best version of ourselves, realizing that we're all still growing and evolving.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:01

So, Allison, thank you for being on the One Big Thing podcast.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:05

For those that are listening don't forget, you can head over to NQR YouTube channel.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:09

That's NQR YouTube and watch this episode if you're a family or friend.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:13

But the One Big Thing is also available on all major podcast platforms.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:17

Would love for this not to be your last stop so you can subscribe, leave a rating, leave a review, talk about how great Allison did.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:24

But you did a masterful job, my friend.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:26

So I appreciate you being on the show.

Allison Minotillo: 01:09:27

Thank you so much.

Allison Minotillo: 01:09:28

It was a joy talking to you and appreciate the time just to break out of the day today and reflect a little bit.

Allison Minotillo: 01:09:34

So thank you.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:35

Yeah.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:35

Well, Everybody go take 30 minutes with your spouse until next time.

Steve Campbell: 01:09:38

Thanks for stopping by.