Episode 49
Say 'Yes' to Family Every Day with Katie Hauck
Let’s be real; family life can feel like a rollercoaster ride with all its ups and downs. In this heartwarming episode, Katie Hauck joins me to share her incredible journey through single motherhood, marriage, and creating a beautiful family that not only includes her biological children but also fosters and adopts kids from all walks of life!
Together, we explore the concept of family beyond traditional boundaries, emphasizing that family is what you make of it. Katie’s big takeaway? Just say 'yes' to family! Whether you’re considering adoption, fostering, or mentoring, she believes that every little effort counts and can create a ripple effect of love and support. Plus, get ready for some practical tips on how to introduce structure and intentional moments into your family life.
Takeaways:
- Saying yes to family means embracing all forms of family, including foster and adoptive relationships, because love knows no bounds.
- Every family has its messy moments; it's about finding beauty in the chaos and knowing that hard days are part of the journey.
- Kids crave attention and affirmation; even a minute of your time can make them feel valued and loved.
- Creating structure in family life is essential, but flexibility is key—it's okay to adapt routines as needed for your children's needs.
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About Katie
Katie Hauck is the founder of Katie Hauck Ministries, an online ministry dedicated to helping others deepen their relationship with Jesus. Originally from Illinois, she now resides in Eastern Tennessee with her husband, Ken, and their family. A passionate author, speaker, and teacher, Katie’s mission is to share God’s love and encourage people with the message: "You Are Loved. Love Others. Read Your Bible." Her ministry reflects her personal journey of faith, overcoming past struggles, and embracing God’s purpose for her life. With a heart for storytelling and scripture, she inspires others to let their light shine and experience the transformative power of God’s Word.
Katie's Socials
Website is: https://katiehauckministries.com/
YouTube is: https://www.youtube.com/@KatieHauckMinistries
Facebook is: https://www.facebook.com/katiehauckministries
Instagram is: https://www.instagram.com/katie_hauck_ministries/
TikTok is: https://www.tiktok.com/@katie_hauck_ministries
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Transcript
Welcome to the One Big Thing podcast where inspiration meets transformation.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Steve Campbell, and I'm excited to have you join me today.
Speaker A:I welcome guests from all walks of life to the show.
Speaker A:We're going to spend about 30 minutes getting into their story and sharing the One big thing that they want to share with all of you that can help you move the forward in your life.
Speaker A:So thank you for being my guest in the One Big Thing and enjoy this episode.
Speaker B:There are.
Speaker B:There are days when you come here and everyone's getting along and it's amazing and it looks beautiful.
Speaker B:And there are days when everyone is fighting and the house is trashed and I'm frustrated.
Speaker B:Like, that's real life, right?
Speaker B:I'm not going to pretend it's all perfect.
Speaker B:I do want to say that I don't believe there's a single person that ever was on their deathbed saying, man, I wish I'd had less kids.
Speaker B:Man, I wish I'd spent less time with my family.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:You always hear the opposite.
Speaker B:Man, I should have just.
Speaker B:I should have just done more.
Speaker B:I should have just said, yes, there are hard days, but it is worth every second of it.
Speaker A:Welcome to the One Big Thing podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Steve Campbell.
Speaker A:Really excited to have you join us today.
Speaker A:Got my good friend Katie Hawk on with us.
Speaker A:Katie is just a phenomenal woman.
Speaker A:Loves Jesus.
Speaker A:She has done just incredible things.
Speaker A:I've watched her life being connected with her at church and just seeing the way she leads her family with her husband Ken.
Speaker A:And when I was thinking about a guest for this show, I thought Katie would be an awesome person to come on and talk about the things that are near and dear to her heart.
Speaker A:So for those that know Katie, welcome to the One Big Thing podcast.
Speaker A:This is an interview style show where I have individuals from all walks of life on to really share one big idea, one big thing that's really important to them in this season of Life that can hopefully inspire and encourage you wherever you are in your journey.
Speaker A:Because we all go through really hard things.
Speaker A:So we hope with every episode you have one key takeaway that you can just implement in your life.
Speaker A:And I know Katie's got a good one for you today.
Speaker A:So I would encourage you, if you're new to this show, check out prior guests.
Speaker A:They all have incredible stories and they're human beings just like you and I.
Speaker A:And so, Katie, welcome to the One Big Thing podcast.
Speaker A:For those that don't know you, what's a few things here right at the beginning?
Speaker A:You Think would be good for individuals to know about you personally.
Speaker B:Well, wow.
Speaker B:Thank you, Steve.
Speaker B:It's great to be on here.
Speaker B:I love the show, love some of the previous guests that you've had on.
Speaker B:So it's an honor to be here.
Speaker B:A couple things about myself.
Speaker B:I'm not sure where to begin.
Speaker B:My life was brokenness.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I went through divorce.
Speaker B:I was a single mom with two kids, just at my most broken when I met Jesus for the first time.
Speaker B:And he just radically changed my life.
Speaker B:And so got remarried.
Speaker B:And my husband and I, we live in Tennessee now with our kids.
Speaker B:And people always ask, well, how many kids do you have?
Speaker B:And that's the hardest question that I get.
Speaker B:Which seems weird because it should be an easy question, right?
Speaker B:But if I told you our family, you would have trouble counting as well.
Speaker B:Our family was made from a lot of brokenness.
Speaker B:We have foster kids, adopted kids, biological kids, step kids, kids that we've just taken under our wings.
Speaker B:And so we say 12, but that number changes.
Speaker B:So the most important thing is that God took our brokenness and he put it together to make this beautiful family that.
Speaker B:I used to be ashamed to tell people about that brokenness, and today I boast in the fact that he gets the glory for what he's done in our lives.
Speaker B:It's a unique journey, but it's so special.
Speaker B:And I feel so honored that the Lord chose me to do this.
Speaker B:So we live in Tennessee.
Speaker B:We're on a farm.
Speaker B:I homeschool some of those kiddos, and I do ministry where I just want to share that same love that the Lord showed me with other people.
Speaker B:And so that's like the 62nd version of who I am.
Speaker A:No, Katie, you rock.
Speaker A:And it's one thing when you have a guest on the show that you've kind of watched from afar.
Speaker A:You don't really know.
Speaker A:You enjoy the music they make or the content they create, or you watch them on a sports team.
Speaker A:But when you actually know somebody, I think it hits a little bit different because you have some actual real life.
Speaker A:And I know my wife and I have been fortunate since we relocated down to Tennessee here almost four years ago, you and Ken have kind of taken us in because we didn't have family, we didn't have people here.
Speaker A:And so it's been really incredible that you and Ken have opened up your home for a Sunday fellowship and taken us in and helped my four kids have a sense of community in a way that we no longer have, because my family's still in upstate New York and To anybody that is new to the show, obviously, faith is near and dear to my heart.
Speaker A:For Katie and I, the One Big Thing is not necessarily a Christian podcast, but I allow guests who speak freely about the things that are important to them.
Speaker A:So even if faith isn't a part of your life, don't tune out for today, because I think Katie and I had a little bit to talk here at the beginning.
Speaker A:I think this episode will help you, regardless of faith is important or not, wherever you're at in your journey.
Speaker A:But that is kind of the foundation that leads Katie and I.
Speaker A:And so, Katie, you've said family.
Speaker A:I know I had asked you about your one big thing.
Speaker A:If you had one big thing you wanted to share with the listener out there today, what would be Katie Hawk's One Big Thing?
Speaker B:Yeah, so it would just be literally, say yes to family, say yes to family, whatever that looks like, however that is.
Speaker B:So that may be if you're married and you're thinking about having kids, say yes.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:If you've ever considered foster care, adoption, safe families, which is near and dear to my heart, say yes.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:If you've ever considered mentoring a teenager, like, say, say yes.
Speaker B:If you've even ever, like, there's a single mom or dad out there that you want to disciple that you can take under your wing and be a spiritual parent for.
Speaker B:Like, say yes.
Speaker B:That's my big thing.
Speaker B:Whatever that looks like, say yes to family.
Speaker A:And I love that because I think sometimes we just chalk family down to our bloodlines, the family we were born into that we had no choice over, the parents that parented us that we had no choice over.
Speaker A:So when you say say yes to family, I think some people might have a hard time because family isn't always beautiful, and like you said, it can sometimes be broken.
Speaker A:But what I love that you did, even here at the beginning, is that there's a spiritual component that you can have people take you in.
Speaker A:You can take people in that weren't necessarily blood or family, but are friends, are people you do life with.
Speaker A:And so saying yes to family isn't just, hey, let's have better connections with your mom and dad, which I would encourage you to do because we only have so much time, and I've talked about that on this show.
Speaker A:If there are relationships you need to make right because there's forgiveness, make them right.
Speaker A:Don't allow things to go farther than they need to.
Speaker A:When you.
Speaker A:When you didn't say sorry or didn't ask forgiveness or didn't let bygones be bygones.
Speaker A:But when you say yes to family, I love that because you got a big family and you got family that were your natural born children, you have family that you've taken in, you've had family that you fostered, family you've adopted.
Speaker A:So, so has this always been in your world, Katie?
Speaker A:Say yes to family.
Speaker A:Is this something that in just this season has become more of a rally cry for you?
Speaker A:Where did this kind of idea start with you?
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Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So when so when I was little, I grew up in a pretty stable home.
Speaker B:Mom and dad were married.
Speaker B:I had one brother, one sister.
Speaker B:We were not believers, but I felt like I was always a believer in God.
Speaker B:And I can remember being very young, like as far back as I can remember, and the Lord just gave me a heart for children.
Speaker B:And I can remember being like 3 or 4 years old and just praying to a God that I didn't really know or understand.
Speaker B:But like, lord, help children that don't have moms and dads, Help children who don't have homes.
Speaker B:Help children who are starving.
Speaker B:Like, so.
Speaker B:So God put that in heart from the beginning to do something.
Speaker B:But what that looked like was very different.
Speaker B:And so it's actually funny.
Speaker B:When my husband and I got married, he's 15 years older than I am.
Speaker B:And so when we got married, I said I had two boys for my first marriage and he had adopted a son and had two children from his first marriage.
Speaker B:And I said, well, if we get married, I want two more kids, I want to have one more child and then I want to adopt one more child.
Speaker B:And so he said, yes.
Speaker B:And so we almost immediately became pregnant with twins.
Speaker B:So in his mind, like, that's it, we got our two, she's happy, we move on.
Speaker B:So when I said to him a couple years later, like, okay, I'm ready to adopt, he was like, no, no like, you got your two kids.
Speaker B:I'm like, no, but I still want to adopt.
Speaker B:And he said, no.
Speaker B:Like, no, that's not.
Speaker B:That's not part of my life.
Speaker B:I want to retire.
Speaker B:I want to enjoy my life.
Speaker B:And so it took us on a journey and every time we said yes, the Lord just took us one step further into this.
Speaker B:And so it started with just helping out kids, getting involved in orphan ministry, where we helped create businesses to help orphanages become self sust sustaining.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And that was the easy first step into it.
Speaker B:And then it came into being an advocate for children in the foster care system.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:That was one step closer.
Speaker B:And then it became adoption, and then it became Safe Families, which is literally an organization that helps keep families together and helps disciple a mom or dad to keep their children out of the foster care system.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But that involves taking kids temporarily into your home.
Speaker B:And then it's like it just evolves deeper and deeper and deeper.
Speaker B:But I think with every, yes, there's such joy and hardship, but joy that comes with that, that when you're willing to say yes, like it just opens more doors and it takes you deeper, deep.
Speaker B:So, no, our family as it is was never part of the plan.
Speaker B:But we said yes to one thing, which just kept leading us to more.
Speaker B:No, you should say that, though.
Speaker B:That might scare people away.
Speaker A:No, but I think, I think we sometimes neatly package again, like I said, what family is.
Speaker A:And you know, when you meet the love of your life, you expect if children is a passion of yours, that you'll have children.
Speaker A:And I had, I kind of told you about my dear friend Lisa, who grew up with my wife Stephanie, who has just struggled with infertility.
Speaker A:It's something that doesn't make sense.
Speaker A:The desire is there to have children.
Speaker A:Just she and her husband have struggled to have kids.
Speaker A:And that's a hard reality when you become an adult and you finally get to live out the dreams and expectations you had as a little girl and you were praying or, you know, now you are here in life wanting the one thing that you wish you could have and you just struggle with it.
Speaker A:And so it's like, what do you do with that?
Speaker A:What do you do if your, you know, initial marriage that you set out fell apart and you got divorced at a young age and now you feel like, who's going to want me?
Speaker A:Or, you know, you have to start over or you have a blended family?
Speaker A:I think we sometimes want the package to always be perfect.
Speaker A:You marry the person you marry, you stay together for life, you have children.
Speaker A:You have a picket fence, and that's the dream.
Speaker A:But I think what's really cool about your story is there's been a lot of moving parts.
Speaker A:You said there's been some brokenness, but out of that, brokenness has become something beautiful.
Speaker A:And so I just want to try to encourage the you that's out there today.
Speaker A:That just feels like, man, my life is so broken.
Speaker A:Like, is anybody going to want me?
Speaker A:Is God going to want me?
Speaker A:Is somebody else going to want me?
Speaker A:You know, how.
Speaker A:How.
Speaker A:What does that look like for you?
Speaker A:How have you found kind of identity in all these moving different parts?
Speaker A:Because you do have a blended family, and you've gone down the role of adoption.
Speaker A:Like, how has those transitions and changes kind of launched you into the things you're doing now that I see on Sundays and I see you do on YouTube where you're speaking about these things?
Speaker A:Was that always a desire or how is that kind of manifested or evolved in your life with each new adoption, each new child, each new season?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So it was not always a desire to talk about it.
Speaker B:I actually really wanted to hide that brokenness.
Speaker B:And you said, like, the perfect little house with the picket fence, that's what I wanted.
Speaker B:And when that fell apart and I found myself as a single mom, I, like, the hardest thing for me.
Speaker B:This is terrible to say, but I didn't want people to know that I was divorced because I felt like a failure in that.
Speaker B:And so I kept that to myself.
Speaker B:I told no one what I was going through.
Speaker B:When my husband and I got married and we started to have kids, I just wanted everyone to assume that it was our first marriage and our life had always been perfect and happy and everything was great.
Speaker B:And my husband is just so blunt, and he doesn't have shame.
Speaker B:And so I would.
Speaker B:People would say, like, oh, are all these kids yours?
Speaker B:And I would be like, yes, because they are.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But he would be like, well, let me tell you about our brokenness.
Speaker B:You know, he wouldn't say it like that, but he would just tell me, well, this one's hers and this one's mine, and this is.
Speaker B:And I was like, deep down inside, like, be quiet.
Speaker B:Like, I want people to think that we have this perfect life and this perfect family.
Speaker B:Like, I cared a lot about what people thought, and I felt a lot of shame because it didn't go the way I expected.
Speaker B:My parents were married their whole lives.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like, I wanted that.
Speaker B:I expected that.
Speaker B:And when that isn't what happened in my life, I was very Ashamed of that.
Speaker B:And I thought, I just need to keep this to myself, and I just need to pretend like everything's great.
Speaker B:But that's not the answer, right?
Speaker B:The answer.
Speaker B:When, when.
Speaker B:That's very prideful.
Speaker B:And, and I had to be humbled to the point that, that I had to, to be okay with sharing that.
Speaker B:And so I, I, I again, I know you said not everyone watching is, Is, you know, has the same faith, but faith is what drives me in everything that I do.
Speaker B:So I'm going to talk.
Speaker B:The Lord showed me how he can take broken things and put them together, but we have to hand him those broken things.
Speaker B:And so when my life was shattered and we had all these pieces, I literally had to say, like, here, Lord, like, do what you want with my family.
Speaker B:Do what you want with my life.
Speaker B:I'm going to just trust you.
Speaker B:And so he took these broken pieces.
Speaker B:We say it's like stained glass, right?
Speaker B:Glass has to be broken.
Speaker B:And then you take those pieces and you put them together.
Speaker B:And I don't know if you've ever seen anything more beautiful than stained glass.
Speaker B:It couldn't happen without brokenness.
Speaker B:And so it was this journey that I went on of recognizing that it's not about me, it's not about my pain.
Speaker B:It's about him and what he's brought me through and the beauty that he can create from my life.
Speaker B:And that's why I talk on Sundays now and why I have the YouTube channel.
Speaker B:Because there's a lot of broken people out there.
Speaker B:And you don't need to stay in that brokenness, and you don't need to be concerned that people are judging you for that brokenness.
Speaker B:Like, you just keep moving forward because the Lord has a plan for your life.
Speaker A:And you and I have gotten to know each other so well that I've, I've heard you speak and you talk about brokenness, but I'm just thinking about you as the listener that's out there.
Speaker A:Many times, the way that we experience God is through the actual authority figures and people that are immediately in front of us.
Speaker A:And so if you had parents that abused you, it could be very hard to relate to a God that you've never met.
Speaker A:And so you can read a Bible and hear that God is loving and kind and gracious and full of mercy.
Speaker A:But if your parents were abusive or neglected you, you have this immediate response to a human being who chose to not want you that can create some distance or dissonance between you and God and trying to receive it even, even then Just when you talk about divorce, when.
Speaker A:When a marriage covenant falls apart for some reason, whether it was mutual or whether, again, there was abuse or anything, I think it's hard for people to turn to God because that was the thing which we put our identity in, was being married.
Speaker A:And now we feel alone in God.
Speaker A:Where were you in the midst of that?
Speaker A:And I've heard you speak that God has showed up in some of your darkest places to just speak life to you.
Speaker A:And I think we have to remove ourselves, that bad things do happen to good people, you know, and God is a good teacher that, you know, allows us to experience things because it's the greatest life lesson for us to work through things.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But to the person that's out there today, that says Steve.
Speaker A:Katie, I know you keep talking about God and how good he is, but my life has been anything but good.
Speaker A:I've experienced a lot of hardships.
Speaker A:What do you.
Speaker A:Or where's a good starting point?
Speaker A:Because I know you've ministered to women.
Speaker A:I know you've ministered to people in recovery that have gone through addiction.
Speaker A:I know you've ministered to families that have fallen apart or going through safe families.
Speaker A:Has there been any commonalities or anything that's helped you relate to other people that just feel like, what is all this worth?
Speaker A:Like, what's a good starting point to somebody out there that feels forgotten, feels broken?
Speaker A:Is there an initial first steps or practical things that they can do to kind of reset, if that makes sense?
Speaker B:So I think that a lot of people have good intentions.
Speaker B:And when you go through hard times, as human beings, we want to console other people.
Speaker B:And so we say things like, well, listen, God has a plan.
Speaker B:You know, he.
Speaker B:He.
Speaker B:Everything happens for a reason.
Speaker B:And that was the hardest for me when I went through my divorce is people started telling me everything happens for a reason.
Speaker B:And I started thinking I was not.
Speaker B:I didn't know the Lord personally at this time.
Speaker B:And I started thinking, what kind of God is this that he would put me through this?
Speaker B:If everything has a purpose, then his purpose was that I get divorced.
Speaker B:His purpose was that I went through the pain and the trauma, that I went through, that abandonment, that I went through the trials of being a single mom working three jobs, like that's his purpose.
Speaker B:What kind of God is that?
Speaker B:And I became very angry.
Speaker B:And so a lot of the people that I minister to in jail and recovery programs and brokenness are very angry with God.
Speaker B:And they think if this is the God that planned for me to go through this, like, I don't really even like him or care about knowing Him.
Speaker B:And that's where I meet a lot of people in the fact that.
Speaker B:Listen, everything doesn't happen for a reason.
Speaker B:We live in a world that's broken.
Speaker B:Our world is broken because there's sin.
Speaker B:And the Bible actually tells us that Satan is the prince of this world, right?
Speaker B:So he's kind of in charge.
Speaker B:And God allows things to happen, but he doesn't plan for things to happen.
Speaker B:But he promises in Romans 8, 28 that if you trust him and you seek him, he'll work it all together for your good.
Speaker B:And my life is the perfect examp of that.
Speaker B:I went from not even knowing if I liked this God because He seemed mean to putting my faith in him taking that first step and saying, okay, I've done it my way and it hasn't worked.
Speaker B:Let.
Speaker B:Let me just try trusting you and seeking you and seeing what you have to say about it.
Speaker B:And he has worked all things together.
Speaker B:And so that's where it starts.
Speaker B:Like, listen, first accept that God didn't do this to you.
Speaker B:He's not evil.
Speaker B:He's not causing you to not be able to have children.
Speaker B:He's not causing you to have lost your husband or maybe a child.
Speaker B:Like, that's somebody.
Speaker B:Horrible things that we go through right when we're in our brokenness, there's so much pain.
Speaker B:God didn't cause that pain.
Speaker B:But he says if you give him that pain and begin to seek him, he'll heal that pain for you.
Speaker B:And it's a.
Speaker B:It's a journey.
Speaker B:Like it's not going to happen in one day.
Speaker B:But literally, I mean, that first step has to be open up His Word and see what he says about you.
Speaker B:Because what he says is that you are a precious child of God, that you have been chosen, that he has a plan and a purpose for your life, that he has good things in store for you, that he wants to restore you and redeem you.
Speaker B:He wants to create something from your brokenness.
Speaker B:Like there's so many promises, but if you don't read your Bible, then you don't know that.
Speaker B:Then you just live thinking this is the best it's going to be is in this brokenness that I am.
Speaker B:But it's not.
Speaker B:There's so much more ahead of you.
Speaker B:So it doesn't matter where you've been, it doesn't matter what you've been through.
Speaker B:What matters is that you take that next step forward toward Him.
Speaker B:And I'm not sure if that's the practical application you're looking for.
Speaker B:But practically, literally, get in a church, get in a community, find other people that are, that have been through what you've been through and allow them to walk that step with you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And you and I've been through kind of an incubator in our church where you've seen people come in down and out brokenness and, you know, through ministry, through encouragement, through guidance, their family gets restored, their kids get restored.
Speaker A:And it is such a beautiful picture of heaven on earth when you see somebody who feels like they lost their children and they get restored to their children.
Speaker A:It's such a beautiful thing.
Speaker A:And I think this was a really cool way to set the foundation that as an authority figure, you know what you're talking about.
Speaker A:Because you've been through hard things and you've been through brokenness, and you've still chosen to say yes to family.
Speaker A:I think sometimes podcasts can be riddled down to the highlight moments of individuals sharing how good things are and just try harder.
Speaker A:And I, and I think about you as the listener who feels like you're giving everything you can.
Speaker A:You're showing up early, you're leaving late, you're trying harder, and things aren't working out.
Speaker A:And so in the sensationalism of Instagram and Facebook and YouTube and people that are so successful telling you you should adopt, you should foster, you should do this, it's like, yeah, but you don't understand my situation.
Speaker A:I think that this was a really neat way to lay the foundation of your experiences.
Speaker A:Because when you say yes to family.
Speaker A:Now I want to unpack that if you have somebody who is thinking about adoption or thinking about fostering, but they've never done it right, It's a scary thing because it involves change.
Speaker A:It means that even if you have your own naturally born children at home and you're thinking about adopting or fostering, it's like, what is this other child going to mean?
Speaker A:You know, even if you have your own children, you know, I know this sounds just revealing, but one of my concerns is I've sought the Lord about more kids is just we have four healthy kids.
Speaker A:You know, there's a fear of, like, what if we have another child?
Speaker A:Which is a great thing, but something, you know, maybe medically wrong, that just makes our family more difficult, you know, in the groove that we're in right now, or if you're thinking about adoption or fostering, it, it.
Speaker A:We understand the concept in the calling, but I think getting from that place of this seems like it could be for us to, like, actually doing it is a very scary gray area that most people have never navigated.
Speaker A:So for you and Ken and just, you know, in your life, when you say yes to family, what is that?
Speaker A:Like, how do you start conversations around going from this could be cool to actually considering adoption or fostering?
Speaker A:Like, what has helped you in this experience?
Speaker A:Because you've not only done it once, but you've done it a handful of times.
Speaker A:So is there a.
Speaker A:A way you think through it that helps you?
Speaker A:Is it like, pros and cons, what has helped you and Ken decide or start down those steps of we should do this?
Speaker A:And has there been anything that's really helped you kind of make those decisions?
Speaker B:Yeah, because it's a.
Speaker B:It's a.
Speaker B:It's a big decision.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:I'm not going to sit here and tell you every day has been beautiful and wonderful.
Speaker B:There's a movie called Sound of Hope, and it's so real.
Speaker B:Like, I took some of my older kids to see it, because in it, like, they.
Speaker B:They feel good about adoption, and they adopt these kids and everything's great.
Speaker B:And then there's trauma, and they're like, what did we get ourselves into?
Speaker B:And we've had days where we sit there.
Speaker B:I can remember one day where I have one child screaming in one room, I hate you.
Speaker B:I hate you.
Speaker B:I hate you.
Speaker B:Another child screaming in another room.
Speaker B:Like, everybody hates me, right?
Speaker B:My.
Speaker B:The other kids are all crying, and I'm looking at my husband and I'm saying, what did we do?
Speaker B:Like, I'm sorry.
Speaker B:I'm sorry I did this, but I'm not sorry I did it just in that moment.
Speaker B:But we literally have to realize that it's not about us.
Speaker B:We can't say yes to family just because we think it's going to make us feel good.
Speaker B:Because if we go in with the expectation that every day is going to be great, we're going to feel so good, and it's always going to be this perfect relationship.
Speaker B:It's not.
Speaker B:There's going to be trauma.
Speaker B:There's going to be things, whether it's biological children, foster children, whatever it is, right?
Speaker B:Kids go through things, and there's going to be hard days.
Speaker B:So the most important thing is that.
Speaker B:That.
Speaker B:That both spouses are on the same page.
Speaker B:They're on the same page with wanting to do it.
Speaker B:They're on the same page with how they're gonna do it, how they're gonna discipline, how they're gonna love, how they're gonna Reward.
Speaker B:All of those things really need to be discussed for us.
Speaker B:I told you, my husband didn't want to at first.
Speaker B:And it was literally, he had said no.
Speaker B:We got involved in something that was a good compromise for both of us with the.
Speaker B:With the orphan care.
Speaker B:And we were sitting at a meeting and this young boy came up and he was giving a speech, and he had talked about how he was a street child and he was like 10 years old, and this charity literally, like, kidnapped him to get him off the streets.
Speaker B:And he woke up and he was in a bed being fed, and he was warm, and he thought, I must have died.
Speaker B:I'm in heaven.
Speaker B:But he was in this orphanage, and they ended up an American family adopted him, brought him to the country, and now he has spent his whole life helping children in his country find families.
Speaker B:And my husband looked at me and he was like, my time is not my own.
Speaker B:I have such a limited time on this earth.
Speaker B:What am I going to do with it?
Speaker B:So our motto is, like, we'll sleep in heaven because you're going to lose a lot of sleep.
Speaker B:I always joke, like, one day my goal is to show up at the gates of heaven a hot mess, because if I show up looking good and well rested, then I'm not going to hear those words.
Speaker B:Well done, good and faithful serve.
Speaker B:Like, there is time to sleep and there is time to rest.
Speaker B:And don't get me wrong, there are times on this earth where we do need to rest and reset.
Speaker B:But I feel like we have such a short time on this earth.
Speaker B:Like, just do it.
Speaker B:Just get started.
Speaker B:Don't wait for your finances to be lined up.
Speaker B:They'll never be lined up.
Speaker B:Don't wait for your career to be perfect.
Speaker B:It'll never be perfect.
Speaker B:So if you're waiting for everything to just be this perfect picture, it's never going to be perfect, Right?
Speaker B:But you'll figure it out each day.
Speaker B:Each day, whether it's a hard day or a good day, you'll figure it out.
Speaker B:Take that step.
Speaker B:And so there's.
Speaker B:There's organizations that can help you figure out what that step is.
Speaker B:A lot of prayer, you know, how.
Speaker B:How like at our church, we have a fam ministry, and, and so we have an adoption piece where if you want to adopt, we want to help fund that because we don't believe money should ever be the reason a child doesn't have a home.
Speaker B:So we'll help you fund that adoption.
Speaker B:You want to foster, like, we'll help you get foster care licensed and set you up with agencies that'll start that process.
Speaker B:You want to do safe families.
Speaker B:Like, I will get you that application.
Speaker B:We'll start.
Speaker B:Connect you with a family, a mom that you can disciple, whose kids you can help love.
Speaker B:Like, there are people out there, churches, organizations that will help you figure out what the best step is for you.
Speaker B:Call me.
Speaker B:I'll help you figure it out.
Speaker B:I don't care.
Speaker B:But do something.
Speaker B:Start praying through what that is.
Speaker B:And maybe you say, I'm not ready to take a child in.
Speaker B:Well, you know what?
Speaker B:You can do other things.
Speaker B:You can mentor someone.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:You can bring someone under your wing and be a family that way.
Speaker B:Because there's a lot of people out there that don't have families either.
Speaker B:If you're.
Speaker B:If you're married and you're thinking about having that child, you'll never be in the perfect spot.
Speaker B:You'll never have your house.
Speaker B:Just perfect.
Speaker B:So just do it and figure it out.
Speaker A:Yeah, And I think all that context is super helpful if you're thinking about adoption or fostering.
Speaker A:It can sometimes feel internally like, no one's ever done this before.
Speaker A:And there's tons of organizations out there that can help you.
Speaker A:So, like, that's not.
Speaker A:Not that that's not an excuse, but there's a lot of places that can help you understand the timing, though, component of what you just said.
Speaker A:You know, you can say adoption and fostering, which are choosing to bring somebody into your family from the outside and love them like they're your own, but we even know of people our age that are couples that wanted to have a third and then end up finding out they're pregnant with twins and they're terrified.
Speaker A:And so here they are, you know, an exciting moment.
Speaker A:But the idea of bringing two babies in at the same time with their other kids, the financial component, the time component, the how are we going to do this Again, the greatest moment of your life, finding out you're pregnant.
Speaker A:But it's also filled with a lot of anxiety because the family dynamic is going to shift, even to those couples and single moms, single dads, or families where you have children in the home that aren't kids anymore.
Speaker A:Just the chaos of raising children and losing yourself in the moment of children that are yelling at you or talking back to you, that you never.
Speaker A:Not that you didn't think your family was ever going to look like that, but there's just days that are like, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker A:Like, this is too much for me.
Speaker A:And you've seen my kids.
Speaker A:They're wild.
Speaker A:You know, they're, they're getting to a point where the energy is super high all the time, which is both a blessing and a curse.
Speaker A:And I don't know who I, who I heard, I think it was Emma's for Mama podcast.
Speaker A:She had talked about just like learning how to shift the dynamic in your mind of being frustrated at your kids that they destroy your home versus flipping it and realizing, like, it is a blessing to pick up after your kids in a way because it reminds you of the blessing that you have that you have children.
Speaker A:And I think sometimes we just get frustrated and keel over like a melting pot where it's like, gosh darn it, kids, why can't you do this?
Speaker A:So I think for, for just people, it's learning how to have a long term, eternal view of what's really important.
Speaker A:Say yes to family.
Speaker A:But I think it's more in the day to day how to not lose yourself in pursuit of saying yes.
Speaker A:Which is where feelings cause tension for us that I never thought as a dad or as a mom I would have ever had these feelings towards my children that I've never said out loud but are in my head.
Speaker A:And I have to like, pause myself and be like, no, like, don't do that.
Speaker A:Like, just relax.
Speaker A:And you know you want to say yes to family, but you can find yourself maybe losing yourself or struggling with a hard or long season where the kids are always at each other's throats, or let's say you were brave enough to open up your home to adoption or fostering.
Speaker A:The dynamic has shifted.
Speaker A:I mean, you have a beautiful family where you've adopted and take children in from other parts of the country.
Speaker A:So there's a cultural component of that.
Speaker A:So even just like, what, what does that look like you, Katie, on a day to day saying yes to family because you have the different roles that you play.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You're a wife, you're a mom, you are very involved in ministry.
Speaker A:You got a YouTube channel that's doing extremely well.
Speaker A:You have all these different moving pieces.
Speaker A:How do you keep, keep yourself balanced where right before you record a podcast or video, your kids might have really frustrated you and you have to like not turn it off, but work through that and then get on camera and be like, hey guys, welcome to Katie Hawk Ministries.
Speaker A:And it's like, not that you're faking it, but, but how, how do you navigate wanting to say yes to family?
Speaker A:Like, that's really important, but then just also family is sometimes so messy that it can cause us to like second guess, are we a good mom?
Speaker A:Are we a good dad?
Speaker A:Are we good parents?
Speaker A:How do you personally work through that and what has helped you the most?
Speaker B:So that's great because it is messy and there are, there are days when you come here and everyone's getting along and it's amazing and it looks beautiful.
Speaker B:And there are days when everyone is fighting and the house is trashed and I'm frustrated.
Speaker B:Like that's real life, right?
Speaker B:I'm not going to pretend it's all perfect.
Speaker B:I do want to say that I don't believe there's a single person that ever was on their deathbed saying, man, I wish I'd had less kids.
Speaker B:Man, I wish I'd spent less time with my family.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:You always hear the opposite.
Speaker B:Man, I should have just, I should have just done more.
Speaker B:I should have just said yes.
Speaker B:Like there are hard days, but it is worth every second of it.
Speaker B:But in those hard moments, like, here's what I had to tell myself every time I got frustrated.
Speaker B:It was me being selfish, right?
Speaker B:It was.
Speaker B:And that's a hard thing to hear.
Speaker B:And it was hard for me to get to that point.
Speaker B:And I hope that doesn't offend anybody, but it was literally me.
Speaker B:My kids didn't do what I wanted them to do.
Speaker B:They don't look how I want them to look.
Speaker B:Other people don't see them the way I want them to think our family looks, right?
Speaker B:And I had to lay down my selfishness.
Speaker B:When you have kids, like when you have family, you are giving up your life for them.
Speaker B:And there's so many people out there that say, oh, I would die for my children, okay, but would you give up watching the football game for them?
Speaker B:Would you give up an extra hour of sleep?
Speaker B:Like dying, dying for your children seems easy.
Speaker B:It's the day to day things that are hard, right?
Speaker B:But you have to come to a mindset where you're saying, okay, I'm saying yes to family, which means I'm saying no to myself.
Speaker B:Not that we never get moments to ourself that's important to create those.
Speaker B:But during the day when there's chaos and your kids need this and your kids needs this and your kid needs this, that's not the time where you get to have the you time that's letting later you get to say, okay, I wanted to go read my book or go take a shower or whatever it is, but my kids need me.
Speaker B:And that's the role that I have chosen right now.
Speaker B:And so I'M going to lay down my needs for theirs.
Speaker B:And I promise you, the Bible says there's no greater love than him that's willing to lay down his life for his friends.
Speaker B:That means for his family, right?
Speaker B:Like, when I'm willing to say that doesn't mean die for them, which I would do, that means I'm willing to give up my wants and needs right now, now for someone else.
Speaker B:And there are such huge blessings that come with that and, and so give that life up now.
Speaker B:I also, on the other hand, say make time because your marriage is very important and you cannot be parents if you don't have that marriage.
Speaker B:And so investing that time, figure out a time.
Speaker B:Like, we just made a rule.
Speaker B:Our kids cannot get out of bed before 7 on the weekends.
Speaker B:My husband's up at 4:30, I'm up at 6.
Speaker B:We have our time together.
Speaker B:We actually do every morning.
Speaker B:But during school days, they don't want to get up before 7, so that works.
Speaker B:But we have our time together where we have our coffee and we have our devotionals and we spend that time together.
Speaker B:In the evenings, we have a bedtime and that time we have together, right?
Speaker B:And we create a date night as often as we can.
Speaker B:So being intentional about.
Speaker B:My husband knows when I've hit my limit.
Speaker B:Like, it's tag team, right?
Speaker B:Like, he's in, I need 10 minutes to myself or I need to take a shower.
Speaker B:Literally, that's like my quiet, peaceful time.
Speaker B:I turn on my worship mute music, nobody bothers me.
Speaker B:I can't hear anything.
Speaker B:And so having an intentional relationship with your spouse is so incredibly important.
Speaker B:And that's why I said, you both have to be on the same page.
Speaker B:Because there are days when I call him and I'm like, I need you because I can't do this right now.
Speaker B:And he's phenomenal.
Speaker B:And there are days when he's like, okay, this little girl is too emotional.
Speaker B:She needs her mom right now.
Speaker B:Like, come in and handle this for me.
Speaker B:But being intentional with each other and being intentional in that those moments of it's not about how you look to others, right?
Speaker B:Like, I used to think all my kids had to be in matching clothes and their hair had to be done and their faces had to be clean because I was still stuck on this.
Speaker B:We have to put on this air that we're a perfect little family, right?
Speaker B:But we're not.
Speaker B:And so, I mean, my kids have showed up to church without shoes before, right?
Speaker B:Like, whoops.
Speaker B:Right there with you, sister.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:I said, I'm Right there with you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And your kids are amazing, Steve.
Speaker B:I love your kids so much.
Speaker B:They're precious and are they wild?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But your job as a dad isn't to, like, tone them down.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It's to train them up.
Speaker B:And so we view those hard moments as training ground.
Speaker B:Okay, so I'm not disciplining my child because I'm angry.
Speaker B:I'm teaching my child the right response in a situation when two of them are fighting.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like, and I get so frustrated.
Speaker B:And I've been there where I'm just like, want to scream and throw something because I'm so frustrated.
Speaker B:But my job as the mother is to teach them how they're supposed to behave in those situations.
Speaker B:And so when you can change your mindset to.
Speaker B:It's not just about getting them quiet and getting them to school and getting them to look good.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:It's teaching them how to be an adult, teaching them how to give back to society, teaching them how to seek the Lord, teaching them how to live their lives.
Speaker B:Like, you just look at it a little bit differently and you don't get so frustrated because in those moments, you're like, okay, okay, well, this is a lesson that we can all learn, myself included.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And then the last thing, I guess, is being willing to say that you're wrong and I'm sorry to our kids, because I do overreact sometimes.
Speaker B:Like, I say super chill in our home, I don't get frustrated or stressed out.
Speaker B:Very easy.
Speaker B:But when we're late, like, a different mom comes out.
Speaker B:Like, I am so frustrated with all of them.
Speaker B:Like, how can we be late for something?
Speaker B:And I have to just say, you know what?
Speaker B:It's okay to be late.
Speaker B:Late.
Speaker B:I don't need that person to think I'm perfect.
Speaker B:And we're just going to be late.
Speaker B:And guess what, kids?
Speaker B:This is what we're going to do.
Speaker B:We're going to learn what it takes in order to get ourselves ready.
Speaker B:Let me help you.
Speaker B:Let me lay down my need to be on time.
Speaker B:And, and, and let's.
Speaker B:Let's calmly.
Speaker B:But when I do overreact, saying, you know what?
Speaker B:Mom was wrong and I'm sorry that I overreacted.
Speaker B:And here's a teaching moment that also teaches your kids compassion and forgiveness and how to have empathy for others and how to ask others for forgiveness.
Speaker B:So every broken situation, every pain, every overreaction, it's all an opportunity to grow and learn.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And parenting.
Speaker A:You've said it a couple of times.
Speaker A:Parenting is beautiful, but it is messy.
Speaker A:And I know for me, sometimes I wish my kids would put their shoes where they're supposed to go, or not leave a sweatshirt in the middle of the living room.
Speaker A:The things that frustrate you, and you're like, lord, what am I doing wrong?
Speaker A:But it's in the moments that Steph and I have experienced where she'll say, you know, I have a headache.
Speaker A:I'm not feeling well.
Speaker A:Or we hear of, you know, there was an accident in town and a house burned on fire.
Speaker A:My kids kid you not will start praying.
Speaker A:And it's in those moments where they're like, dear Lord, please help this family.
Speaker A:I didn't tell them to pray.
Speaker A:They just knew how to do it.
Speaker A:And so I think sometimes I think the Lord allows us to experience moments like that because it helps you realize that we're teaching them the foundational things that matter.
Speaker A:Would I like them to put their shoes away?
Speaker A:Of course I would.
Speaker A:But I also love the fact that they're thinking about other people and they're praying for them.
Speaker A:In what you had said around, you know, a lot of these feelings are rooted in selfishness.
Speaker A:I think one of the hardest things to experience at this stage in life is the I don't want to feeling.
Speaker A:In the roles and responsibilities that you have as a spouse, but as a parent, when, you know, if your kids aren't cleaning, then you're gonna have to.
Speaker A:And then there's moments where you're like, I just don't want to to.
Speaker A:And when you say that to yourself, it makes it feel like, am I just quitting and throwing in the towel?
Speaker A:But to every parent that's out there, I also want you to extend grace to yourself that you're doing better than you think you are.
Speaker A:And, you know, there might be nights where you have to let the house be a little dirty when you go to bed.
Speaker A:And, you know, to get a good night's sleep, you could spend up, you know, hours just to have your kids trash your house again the next day.
Speaker A:Or, you know, like, you don't have to pick up the house right before you leave to go to church every time.
Speaker A:Is that.
Speaker A:Is that a good habit to get into?
Speaker A:Of course it is.
Speaker A:That's discipline.
Speaker A:But then there's also times, I think, where we.
Speaker A:We are trying to create perfect environments in our homes to satisfy some deep rooted thing in us, that things have to be perfect when we create a lot more stress and tension, that I think sometimes we have to pick our battles and focus what's really important.
Speaker A:And a lot of that is rooted in this selfishness that you talked about.
Speaker A:Of like, I don't want to.
Speaker A:When I find myself triggered as a dad, it's usually because my kids are doing something that I don't want to have to give forth effort to.
Speaker A:And it bothers me because I just want to lay on the couch or I just want to have downtime to myself.
Speaker A:And when my kids sometimes doing great things, but they come to me and they're like, dad, can you help us with this?
Speaker A:It's like, I don't want to, but what I found is like just learning to push through those things.
Speaker A:And that's where a lot of that tension exists.
Speaker A:And I think you and Ken have done such a beautiful job of showing up and giving yourself breaks and understanding that not everything is going to be perfect.
Speaker A:And so I just, you know, I think you do such a really great job of ministering to people where they're at through your own life stories and what you're going through.
Speaker A:I just didn't know that, you know, in the, you know, Last couple minutes, 10 minutes that we have here, if there has been.
Speaker A:What's interesting to me is with such a big, beautiful blended family like you have, when you say yes to family, it's not, it's, it's multi.
Speaker A:Tiered.
Speaker A:It's yes, value wise.
Speaker A:Like I value family.
Speaker A:I think where a lot of people struggle is like, well, what does that look like when I say yes to family?
Speaker A:Like, what does a day to day look like?
Speaker A:What does a Sunday afternoon look like look like?
Speaker A:Is it, I said yes to family.
Speaker A:Now everybody's on their tablet in different parts of the house playing on technology and our house is quiet.
Speaker A:Is that saying yes to family?
Speaker A:Is, is family sticking them in front of a movie for a day?
Speaker A:Like when the Hawks say yes to family?
Speaker A:Are there certain things.
Speaker A:I know you talked about a little bit about routine.
Speaker A:You got the morning routine, you got the night routine.
Speaker A:But when you have so many kids that are from so many different backgrounds and they're all coming together, have you guys implemented like family days or activities or ways to not just say yes verbally to family, but to also manifest what family looks like?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So there are days when I say go watch a movie all day because mommy's tired.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like, so let me just clarify.
Speaker B:Like, there are days, we have very limited electronic time in our home, but that doesn't mean that there aren't days when I'm like, I need to rest and you're all driving me nuts.
Speaker B:So guess what you get to play tablets for an hour because tablets are a really great babysitter.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like we know our limitations and sometimes that's what it takes.
Speaker B:But yes, I think being intentional is so important.
Speaker B:Like we every single night do not go to bed without our family getting together and talking about our day and we read a devotional and we pray together every single night.
Speaker B:Like that is important.
Speaker B:Do we always sit down at the table together and eat a meal together?
Speaker B:No, I wish we did, but my husband is an entrepreneur.
Speaker B:He, he's always on the run with different businesses.
Speaker B:Like we have a lot going on but structure is so important.
Speaker B:And so we stick to structure as much as we can because on one hand structure is incredibly important, but on the other hand being fluid and being able to change is also very important.
Speaker B:And so we have a daily schedule that we stick to as much as we can.
Speaker B:But we all give ourselves the grace that sometimes we're not going to stick to that.
Speaker B:It's sort of just like a plan that we try to stick to.
Speaker B:We also try to be intentional about spending some one on one time with our kids.
Speaker B:Like I have two, my, my twins are now 14 years old and their favorite thing they're my husband, like I said, wakes up at 4:30 in the morning and that's normally his quiet time with the Lord for about an hour or two and then he jumps into business until I get up.
Speaker B:Depending on if I get up at 6, but he will sometimes take our two 14 year olds about once every other week.
Speaker B:He'll wake them up at 4:30 with them and take them Waffle House and they'll just talk because he just wants to be intentional about that.
Speaker B:We try to do special things with each of the kids one on one because I just think that that's important that they know that I'm there for them.
Speaker B:A couple things.
Speaker B:When they say, mom, will you help me with this?
Speaker B:My answer is yes, even if it's 60 seconds.
Speaker B:Do you know that if you say yes, if your child says like I have a six year old in the house now, he's our newest son, he came to us when he was five and we, our kids were getting to be teenagers and they didn't need us so much.
Speaker B:But now we bring this six year old into our home and he's like, will you play with me?
Speaker B:Will you do this?
Speaker B:Will you help me with this?
Speaker B:Will you color with me?
Speaker B:Will you this?
Speaker B:And we say yes because if we give him 60 seconds of our time, he's satisfied and he remembers that we said yes.
Speaker B:All.
Speaker B:It literally takes 60 seconds for your kids to be satisfied.
Speaker B:Mom, will you race with me?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:We race one time and I'm back to doing what I was doing.
Speaker B:And he's satisfied that his mom said yes.
Speaker B:And what they remember is, wow, my mom always said yes to me.
Speaker B:It doesn't take three hours of playing dolls with our 11 year old.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It takes one minute, two minutes, five minutes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And they remember that, that you stopped what you're doing.
Speaker B:That's the other thing.
Speaker B:When my husband's working and he's sitting at the computer and the kids come in, he stops what he's doing and he turns and looks at them and says, yes, what can I do for you?
Speaker B:You know, how can I help you?
Speaker B:Whatever it is.
Speaker B:And he gives them his attention, and when they leave, he goes back to his computer.
Speaker B:But trying to answer them while you're typing, they don't feel.
Speaker B:Feel like you've seen them.
Speaker B:And so there's tiny little things that you can implement that help your children know that they're important to you, but they don't take a lot of time and effort.
Speaker B:And so just implementing those little things, spending some quality family time together, creating that structure.
Speaker B:My kids need to know what's coming next, especially some of the kids that have come from trauma.
Speaker B:But I actually think all kids want to know what's coming next.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like it's.
Speaker B:It's important.
Speaker B:Even my, my biological children want to know, know.
Speaker B:So we just make a list.
Speaker B:We have calendars, we put things on calendars because then they know what's coming.
Speaker B:I give warnings like, hey, guys, don't forget, in one hour we're going here.
Speaker B:And then I'll warn them again in 10 more minutes, we're going here.
Speaker B:And then I'll give them the 60 second, one minute to finish up what you're doing, and then we're going.
Speaker B:Because kids need to know what's coming.
Speaker B:And so there's a lot of little tips that help us get through the day.
Speaker B:Just those little things just help us sort of be proactive in making sure our kids know that they loved, that they're valuable and they know what's coming because that's really important.
Speaker B:Important.
Speaker B:So I forget exactly what your question was.
Speaker B:Did I answer that?
Speaker A:No, I.
Speaker A:And I love the idea of trying to develop structure because Steph and I have really tried to do that with our own kids.
Speaker A:And sometimes it's so frustrating because your heart's in the right place.
Speaker A:I want to sit and pray and talk to Jesus as a family.
Speaker A:And you get one that inevitably wants to play duck, duck, goose or do something while the other kids are.
Speaker A:And I had a moment with one of my daughters where she's usually the instigator.
Speaker A:And, you know, you get all the kids sitting, and then she just gets gets up, and you're like, why are you up right now?
Speaker A:And I normally am very short, and I don't know why I.
Speaker A:I was.
Speaker A:I'm always a patient person, but when it comes to my kids, it's almost like I have this expectation that they're going to be like me or do what I asked them to do.
Speaker A:And so she got up, and my natural reaction would have been to be, you know, dad voice, sit down.
Speaker A:You know, which is different than Steph's, you know, and my kids are normally responsive.
Speaker A:And I just thought, what?
Speaker A:I turned at first, and I don't know why I did this.
Speaker A:I said, what do you and do?
Speaker A:She goes, I want to go put this over there.
Speaker A:I go, okay, go put that over there.
Speaker A:She picked up whatever it was and put it away.
Speaker A:And she goes, okay, and sat back down.
Speaker A:And I was like, is it that easy?
Speaker A:Like, stop.
Speaker A:Like, is that.
Speaker A:Is that really all it took was me asking her?
Speaker A:Because like you said, kids want to know what's coming.
Speaker A:Like, what do you.
Speaker A:What would you like to do?
Speaker A:And I think sometimes we struggle finding the balance between being a disciplinarian and being the parent, and then also realizing our kids are experiencing human life for the first time.
Speaker A:And if our gut reaction is to get short and to get loud, into discipline, whether it's physical, whether it's timeout, in.
Speaker A:In.
Speaker A:It builds on each other.
Speaker A:Where it seems like, man, my kids are so disrespectful.
Speaker A:They don't listen.
Speaker A:When it's like, do I also pause and ask them questions?
Speaker A:Like, I'm sitting here for 45 minutes asking you, Katie Hawk, question after question after question.
Speaker A:When I get around my own kids, I don't ask any questions.
Speaker A:I tell them what to do.
Speaker A:And what I.
Speaker A:What I.
Speaker A:What I'm finding and what I'm learning as a dad with four kids is find out what they're trying to do.
Speaker A:Ask them, and if it's not an egregious thing, let them do it.
Speaker A:And you would have thought I made this little girl's life.
Speaker A:She sat down beaming with pride.
Speaker A:But I think we're also in all different seasons and navigating, and I think it's easy, and I want to stop you as a listener, if you heard Katie say, we do, you know, structure every night.
Speaker A:If you feel like your house is so chaotic that you don't have structure whatsoever, it's very easy with a podcast or when somebody says something like that, that to feel shame, like, we have no structure.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So I can never do that.
Speaker A:Was there anything in the last few minutes that we have here?
Speaker A:You obviously have these routines.
Speaker A:Was that.
Speaker A:Was there anything that you did to help cultivate that?
Speaker A:Because that is a shift in a family dynamic where unless your kids came out of the womb and you started sitting down every night, and, like, now they know that's what they do.
Speaker A:I think when you're trying to implement change, it's frustrating because you hear something in a podcast, you read it in a book about parenting, and now it's like, okay, we got to bring structure into our home.
Speaker A:Brushing our teeth, getting a bed.
Speaker A:What has helped you and Ken cultivate this is important to us as a family.
Speaker A:And what does that look like?
Speaker A:Especially when you have kids of all different ages and ranges and you have 12.
Speaker A:Some people struggle with two kids, and that's okay.
Speaker A:There's no shame.
Speaker A:But, like, how have you guys implemented that in your family?
Speaker A:What does that look like?
Speaker B:So first off is, again, letting them know what's coming.
Speaker B:So, like, in the beginning, we had a list.
Speaker B:Like, hey, this is what we do.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:At night time, here's our routine, right?
Speaker B:We make sure the kitchen's clean, we brush our teeth, we put our pajamas on, and we sit down to pray.
Speaker B:And when they see that right now, they know what's expected of them.
Speaker B:So just to call them in and be like, hey, sit down.
Speaker B:We're going to do this.
Speaker B:They're like, what?
Speaker B:What is this?
Speaker B:What's going on?
Speaker B:Like, knowing ahead of time, here's what we're going to do.
Speaker B:Repeating it several times.
Speaker B:Repeat.
Speaker B:Being consistent in doing it over and over.
Speaker B:Don't give up the first time.
Speaker B:When it's chaos, be consistent.
Speaker B:Keep doing it over and over.
Speaker B:It takes time for kids.
Speaker B:For kids to develop this habit.
Speaker B:But also, like, yes, consistency with room for change and growth.
Speaker B:Because my husband, like, sometimes the kids aren't coming, he has this silly little prayer that he does with them every day to get us started, and they love it, and they giggle and they come in and it makes them want to come sit down because it's fun for a minute, right?
Speaker B:So he.
Speaker B:He starts with this silly little prayer, and they all come in and they sit down, and that's fun.
Speaker B:But then, like, I have one that doesn't sit down still, so I rub his back while he, While we pray, because then he'll sit.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:I have another child.
Speaker B:Maybe they need to hold something and squish it while we're praying because they, they don't want to just sit still, right?
Speaker B:Like, know your kids and know what it's going to take to help them and be short, right?
Speaker B:I'm not talking 45 minutes that we sit down and pray.
Speaker B:We sit down.
Speaker B:There are some nights it's.
Speaker B:It's two minutes.
Speaker B:Like, hey, guys, how was your day?
Speaker B:Everybody's good.
Speaker B:What's something good that happened?
Speaker B:Let's pray.
Speaker B:You know, there are times when I'm like, listen, it's.
Speaker B:It's late and we got to bed late.
Speaker B:We're going to skip our devotional and just pray today, right?
Speaker B:So have a plan.
Speaker B:Have consistency.
Speaker B:Tell the kids what's coming.
Speaker B:Work with each of their own special needs that they have that help them sit.
Speaker B:And then maybe they want to.
Speaker B:Maybe your little girl wants to hold a baby while she's sitting.
Speaker B:Maybe someone wants to stand while they're, while we're praying.
Speaker B:They don't have to sit.
Speaker B:Stand up.
Speaker B:I don't care, as long as you're listening.
Speaker B:But set clear expectations for that them.
Speaker B:And when they fail, remind them of your expectations.
Speaker B:Like, hey, guys, don't forget, this is our quiet time.
Speaker B:This is when we're going to learn about the Lord.
Speaker B:So let's make sure that we have our listening ears on.
Speaker B:Let's make sure that we're paying attention.
Speaker B:And when they fail, guess what?
Speaker B:It's okay.
Speaker B:Keep doing it again tomorrow.
Speaker B:Eventually, like, we're training them how to have this quiet time as a family, so eventually they'll figure it out.
Speaker B:You can't let your joy come from that expectation.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:They're going to fail their joke children.
Speaker B:They're not going to perfectly sit down and have this family time.
Speaker B:And we've been doing this for years, and we still have times that it doesn't go as planned.
Speaker B:But they know what to expect.
Speaker B:They know what's expected of them.
Speaker B:And then we work within their needs to make that happen.
Speaker B:And that's in everything that we do in all of our structure.
Speaker B:You know what?
Speaker B:It messed up today.
Speaker B:It didn't work out.
Speaker B:We'll try again tomorrow.
Speaker A:Yeah, and I love the fact that you just said finding and understanding your kids.
Speaker A:And I think where I have kind of struggled as a dad is, is when you're leading A family.
Speaker A:And you say something, you expect your kids to do it.
Speaker A:And when they don't do it or they do it differently than what you said, it creates a conflict where it's like, are you just being disobedient?
Speaker A:And sometimes I take it that way versus engaging with them and do this is important, this time together as a family.
Speaker A:I don't care if you stand or play with something.
Speaker A:But the immediate response sometime is when I see my kids start to fidget with something as like, hey, stop doing that.
Speaker A:And you forget sometimes.
Speaker A:And like, Steph's always so good about it.
Speaker A:And I remind myself, so it's not like folks, I'm completely off base.
Speaker A:But you sometimes forget your kids are kids.
Speaker A:And because they're yours and they're in your home and you carry yourself in your 30s and 40s one way, you expect your children to be little mini clones of you in a way.
Speaker A:And we sometimes forget, you know, how old they are in their learning curve.
Speaker A:And especially a nine year old is developing differently than a four year old.
Speaker A:And so even as you're raising kids, you can assume what's working with an older child should also work with a younger one.
Speaker A:And I think think having children is the greatest platform for you to be able to learn how to lead other people outside your home.
Speaker A:Because you have all these different personalities.
Speaker A:And for you, your beautiful family is blended in so many ways from children from all different, you know, parts of the world that you're your kids now.
Speaker A:And so you have cultural things that you've tried to work through.
Speaker A:I love this episode because when we started, your one big thing was say yes to family.
Speaker A:And I think it sounded like maybe at the beginning, yes was if you're thinking about having a child, say yes.
Speaker A:If you're thinking about adopting, say yes.
Speaker A:If you're thinking about fostering, say yes.
Speaker A:Just say yes to a spiritual family.
Speaker A:But I think what it's beautifully manifested into is just say yes every day and say yes in a way that is not just yes to family, but what family can become.
Speaker A:And if you've screwed up till now, there's grace.
Speaker A:If you've been a stinking parent and you never thought you were going to be this way, and your kids are, you know, causing you to ride one up one wall down the other.
Speaker A:Just realize, Katie, and I tell you, you're not alone.
Speaker A:I mean, we have beautiful children that'll get out our vans with no shoes on going into church.
Speaker A:But you know what folks, they're going to church and they love Jesus.
Speaker A:I think sometimes we got to give ourselves a feeling like we have to have the picture perfect family we put on Facebook or the family we see that looks like they're picture perfect on Facebook.
Speaker A:And if your kids are messy, I think, Katie, what you've done a really nice job.
Speaker A:Learn how they're wired, learn how to engage with them, but also don't be afraid to bring structure into your family so that your yes.
Speaker A:Can be more meaningful.
Speaker A:And even if you're a parent that has used technology as a babysitter, I think, Katie, you've expressed like that's okay, but there's a time and a place for it.
Speaker A:And so I think even just people listening.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:If you go and listen to Pastor Jeremy, we talked about addiction, and addiction is real, and that's a big thing.
Speaker A:Like, what do you mean you're addicted?
Speaker A:I think what a lot of people are struggling, though, is just the day to day small experiences that make us human beings that aren't drugs and alcohol.
Speaker A:It's just, I want to show up better for my kids tomorrow than I did today.
Speaker A:I don't want to yell tomorrow.
Speaker A:I don't want to go to bed angry.
Speaker A:I don't want to do these things.
Speaker A:And it's the small things that you talked about today that are super helpful.
Speaker A:So, Katie Hawk, thank you for being my guest on the One Big Thing to all of Katie's family and friends.
Speaker A:Friends, I hope you'll check out some other guests because there's some really cool episodes with some local people that I know here that are making incredible impressions on the world.
Speaker A:And so I appreciate you being my guest on this show.
Speaker A:As always, if this episode has meant something to you and you've been here to support Katie, show her some love.
Speaker A:Drop a comment, leave a rating and review about this episode because again, you know this Katie from doing podcasting and other shows.
Speaker A:Your rating and review as a listener helps somebody else when they're navigating a new podcast or new show.
Speaker A:Like, hey, I want to go listen to that.
Speaker A:That one.
Speaker A:So if you've been feeling like, you know what I need to say yes to family, then I think Katie's done a really nice job of helping us understand.
Speaker A:It's, yes, the values are there, but it's how do you make every day worth living with the people that God has allowed you to experience, whether they're your blood family that you were born into or the spiritual family that you've brought along the journey?
Speaker A:So, Katie, thanks for being my guest.
Speaker A:And one big thing thank you so.
Speaker B:Much for having me.
Speaker B:It was an honor and a blessing, and I agree.
Speaker B:Go watch the other episodes.
Speaker B:They're amazing.
Speaker A:You rock.
Speaker A:Thanks Katie.
Speaker A:Thanks for checking out my show.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love for you to write a review or drop a comment wherever you're listening or watching.
Speaker A:And be sure to stay connected.
Speaker A:Did you know you can subscribe to my YouTube channel, which is Eve Campbell PR.
Speaker A:That's Steve Campbell PR, and I'm a real person who's reachable.
Speaker A:You can find me on all my socials and connect with me.
Speaker A:If you have topics or guests you'd love to hear, hear from, let me know.
Speaker A:But thanks for being a part of this journey with me.
Speaker A:And until next time, enjoy other episodes of the One Big Thing podcast.
